proud of the Archer I’d been lately. I’d been a dick, a douche, a lying son a bitch who kept the truth close to his chest even though it would hurt her. I’d led Jaz into Brittany’s lair without warning her, and because of me, she was put onto Brittany’s radar. If it wasn’t for me…if it wasn’t for me dragging her into my shit, Jaz never would’ve crossed her, and maybe Brittany would still be alive and Jaz wouldn’t be a suspect for her murder.
And me. Jaz wouldn’t think me capable of something like that.
Of course, that was all what-ifs. None of it really mattered, not here, not tonight. I had to play the hand I was given, and this was me trying to make the most of it. My mom was at home with her nurse, probably asking where my father was. I hated leaving her, hated seeing the look on her face when she failed to recognize me; I hated it all. And yet, it wasn’t anything I could change. During one of her more lucid moments, she’d told me to live my life, and that’s what I was trying to do.
The street in front of the Taylor house was packed with cars. The houses were so big, so far apart from each other, it took a while to park and reach the house. Jacob hung back, but I couldn’t help but keep tossing looks over my shoulder at him.
This was weird. How was I supposed to relax and focus on Jaz when we had a third wheel?
I felt her hand find mine—just for a split second, a quick, fleeting moment as she said, “Don’t worry about him, Archer.” And then her hand left mine, leaving a coolness in its wake, an emptiness that made me want to reach for her hand again and hold it firmly.
But I didn’t. It wasn’t my hand to hold, as much as I wanted to.
The party was loud inside the house, and equally loud out back. Some were already in the pool, even though the air was a bit cool as night fell. I supposed as long as it was heated…
And then my stupid, stupid mind thought to picture Jaz in a bathing suit. I’d seen her naked, after all, so it wasn’t that hard to picture. With her curves, her tan skin…God, she’d look amazing. Way better than anyone else here.
She looked amazing now, actually.
Eyes were on us the minute we showed up, and I knew we’d be the talk of the school next week, but I didn’t care. I was done worrying about what people thought of me, what they said about me. I was done trying to prove to everyone that I fit in, that I wasn’t an outcast, that I was Brittany’s perfect boy toy.
Brittany was gone, and now it was time for me to actually live my life.
Some people were inside, grinding on each other in the living room near the speakers. The house had speakers everywhere, all of them hooked up to the same music, though it wasn’t nearly as loud outside.
We found an empty poolside table, and she and I sat down. I couldn’t see Jacob, but I knew that didn’t mean he wasn’t around here somewhere.
“So,” I said, rubbing my hands together.
“So,” Jaz echoed, smiling at me softly. “Here we are.”
“Here we are.” It seemed she and I were just going to repeat each other all night. I pointed to the house. “Do you…” And then I trailed off, because I remembered what happened the last time we were at a party together and drank. Bad things happened. To both me and her, I think. Brittany had wanted to make us both pay.
“No,” Jaz said, knowing what I was going to offer. “I think my tongue will go dry tonight.” She stopped herself from saying anything else for a moment, adding, “That was a weird way to put it, huh?”
All I could do was cough, because now I was thinking about her tongue. Her tongue was nice. It felt amazing when it touched mine or ran over my lips.
Jaz leaned on the metal table, crossing her legs under it, her foot grazing my ankle in the process. “How’s your mom?”
Under the dark sky, I looked at her. The moon was only a sliver, and yet its silver light danced beautifully across her face. This didn’t feel like us starting over. We didn’t feel like eighteen-year-olds going to a party; it felt like we