I wanted her to remain in my life. I didn’t want her to vanish. The thought of losing her hurt, and I’d never considered myself vulnerable to such feelings before.
Jaz made me feel. She confused me. She made me want things I’d never wanted in my life, yearn for the one thing I knew I’d never have: a normal life. A normal future. If Jaz somehow agreed to stay with me, she’d never have a normal future, either. Was that something she’d want?
A dark thought came to me then, and I mulled it over as I sat in the back of the car. I’d already spoken to the driver, told him where to go. I’d catch up to Dante and Jaz soon enough, but right now it was all me and my head.
What was that dark thought, you might ask? It was something one of my older brothers might’ve done.
I could force her to stay with me. I could give her no other choice in the matter. I could say she owed me, that I’d been not only helping her but helping Dante, lord those two things over her head to get her to do what I wanted. It’s something Markus would do, I think, if Markus ever let his darkness free.
Could I really do that, though? I wasn’t like my brothers. I wouldn’t want Jaz to be miserable if I took away her freedom. That alone separated me from most of my family, I think. Sometimes their obsession did not follow in the footsteps of love, or vice versa. Sometimes it was just an obsession, through and through.
I mulled it over during the car ride to the motel, lost in the dark sea of my own thoughts. Jaz would not like to be put in a cage, and I bet her spirit would wither and die. Some might like the comfort of a cage, but I highly doubted she would be one of them.
When the car pulled up to the side of the motel, I spotted Jacob’s vehicle idling outside beside Dante’s bike. It was good he didn’t follow them inside; I wasn’t as close to him as I was with Dante, so I wasn’t certain if I could perform with him in the room, watching.
Not a thought I ever thought I’d have, I’d admit. Things had changed all around, apparently. I would even go so far as to say Dante and I worked quite well together, even though he tended to be messy and act without thinking. Doing what he did to Deetra and Chelsea—ignoring their unfortunate murders—all for Jaz; it was something I could respect. Those girls had it out for Jaz just as much as Brittany had.
Dante could be Jaz’s wild one, and I could be her quiet, reserved one that wasn’t afraid of getting dirty when the situation called for it. Sometimes you needed both.
I got out of the car, leaving my school stuff in the back seat. I wouldn’t need any of it inside. The driver drove off, leaving me there, but I knew he’d only circle back and wait for me to come back out. Days like this I had to learn to enjoy, because once I graduated, they would be in short supply. I wouldn’t be as free as I was now, and I hated considering myself free now.
I wasn’t. My heart beat for the family, my blood pumped for them. The life I’d lived, the things I’d seen in my eighteen years, it was enough to sober up anyone, to force you to grow up fast and face the realities most were too ignorant to see, especially when they were young. The world ran on two things: money and blood. Wars had been had, civilizations wiped out by greed, and it wouldn’t change anytime soon. For as long as there was someone to pay my family to complete certain jobs, we would be there, ready to do it, our morality shut off.
I did not look at Jacob as I walked by, but I knew the man watched me. He knew enough about my family—too much, some might say—and, in a way, it was my family that had wronged him three years ago. Zane and Thorn, Oliver Fitzpatrick’s sons, were blood relatives of mine, even if they weren’t raised within the confines of the estate. Whether or not Jacob knew that was beyond any guesswork of mine, but it didn’t matter. Markus was made aware of his attempts at snooping, so Jacob