The Rebel - Raleigh Ruebins Page 0,6

Liam felt like a full-time job, no matter how drawn to him I was.

“I don’t want to see you again,” I said, my tone firm. “I don’t want to see you here or anywhere. Nothing has changed. I’m asking you one more time to get out of my bar.”

His eyes were stormy again, the dark rims of his eyelashes blinking a few times.

“Okay,” he said finally.

I was surprised to hear him back down. The minute he relented, some dark part of me almost wished he would have kept pushing.

“What were you thinking, coming here, Liam?” I said.

He shrugged one shoulder weakly. “I guess I just thought I needed a friend,” he said, his voice low. “Bye, Red.”

He turned and walked out the front door, back into the rain, disappearing as quickly as he’d come in.

My blood pressure was still sky high. I felt like I needed to go hit a punching bag.

“Red, I am going to kill you—that was Liam fucking Hardy that you just turned away,” Sam hissed at me. “And you know him? What the hell? You need to spill some deets, boss, because holy shit—”

“No,” I said, evenly and calmly. “We might have an evening rush. Let’s get the bar cleaned up and ready for the night.”

It was a lie, of course. Tonight was going to be slow, and the rain was only getting more intense outside. But I needed to focus on anything that wasn’t Liam right now.

I tuned out as Sam started chatting incessantly about how impressive Liam’s cumshots were, how sexy his moans were, how hot his tattoos were. When he started talking about how well Liam took a cock, I went to the back store room and began pulling inventory.

I dove into my work for the rest of the night and pushed any thoughts of the hurt behind Liam’s eyes out of my mind.

I’d forced myself to forget him before, and I could do it again now.

2

Liam

*** One Month Ago ***

It’s 4:37 a.m. in Los Angeles and I know I have to get out.

Colin just got home and he still smells like another man. It’s like I’m drowning, in a nightmare, where the dream never ends and I’m permanently starved for air, kicking and kicking in the dark. Colin flashes me a smile and I can still see remnants of powdery white cocaine on the bottom of his nostrils.

Earlier I’d seen him in the bathroom at Club Inferno with his dick in some stranger’s mouth. He hadn’t even known I was there.

Now Colin’s trying to put his arms around me and I’m reaching for the bottle of vodka nearby, opening it and bringing it straight to my lips.

How many times can your boyfriend cheat on you before you realize he doesn’t really love you at all? Tonight was Colin’s strike three, but I know he’s probably fucked more guys that I never knew about.

Vodka dribbles down my chin as I lower the bottle. I don’t know how much I’ve chugged. Many shots’ worth, at least.

“I saw you with him,” I mutter, and Colin just laughs at me.

“You’re blacked out again, Hardy,” he says. I’m not, but I hope to be soon. Colin never calls me my real name. I’m always just “Hardy.” My dad never called me Liam, either. “Your mom picked a pansy-ass name for a pansy-ass kid,” Dad liked to say. He only ever called me L.

“I saw you getting blown. By a blonde guy. At Inferno,” I tell Colin clearly before taking another swig from the bottle, the liquor burning in my throat.

Colin just blinks. “Oh. It was nothing, babe. He owed me from the past. Besides, you get fucked by other porn stars all the time.”

That’s always Colin’s excuse. I’m a porn star, so I can’t want a real relationship. I’m a porn star, so it’s okay for him to cheat. Colin used to be someone I related to, someone who had grown up with a family just as fucked up as mine.

We were both broken, searching for anything that would make us feel whole again.

But he didn’t really care about me at all. I’d heard him call the guy in the bathroom “babe,” too.

“Give me some of that,” he says, grabbing the bottle from me and swigging. Most of our fights are fueled by alcohol.

“I’m leaving you,” I say. My voice trembles a little.

“Sure you are, babe,” he says, taking the bottle with him out to the backyard and getting on the inflatable pool raft. This is my