Reaching Answers (Artemis University #8) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,64

down the bottle and looking at me again. “Am I completely sauced already or did I hear you wrong? You walked in with so much sadness and grief in your aura that—how can you agree to try again when you’re so sad about it?”

It wasn’t the time for lies, my words coming out choked. “I don’t know how to let you back in, Julian. I want to try because I love and miss you, but I—you will leave me again. I won’t be what you want and you’ll leave. I get it’s my past and pain making me more sure of that than maybe what you’ve done. Or because of that, I can’t see how hard you’ve tried to make it up to me, but I’m certain you will.”

“Then why try?”

I gave him a look not to be silly this time. Those dreams being real had made all the difference. We’d been us again and shared… Everything. I’d gotten a glimpse at what we could have, only thinking it was a dream and it hadn’t been.

What sane person would walk away from that chance?

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

Again, I couldn’t lie. “No.” I slid the phone back in his pocket and knelt down, sitting back on my feet, staring at my water bottle. I didn’t know what else to say. I knew what I felt, but I couldn’t put it into words.

I really and truly was broken.

“I’m going to be a selfish git and accept before you risk changing your mind.” He drew in a slow breath and moved his hand to my knee. “I love you, Tamsin.”

“I want to believe you, but I think I’m broken, Julian.” I closed my eyes against the tears I couldn’t seem to stop no matter how much I wanted to be strong. “I don’t blame you for leaving me. I understand it. I’m not… There are parts of me missing that other women have. I’ve always known that. I’m different, and I wouldn’t have stayed either.”

“Stop it,” he choked out, grabbing my arms and shaking me until I looked at him. “You are not broken. You think you are emotionally stunted and different in a bad way, like something is wrong with you, but there’s not. You are wonderful. You are different, love. You are better than all of us. You are not emotionally stunted. You feel more than us. You feel more than any of us. That takes a toll on you.”

It did. I knew that. Just as seeing injustice and not being able to fix it injured me in ways I couldn’t put into words. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“You don’t have to,” he rasped. “All you have to say is you want to try. The rest is on me to fix. I broke us. I will do my best to fix this if you let me. That’s the permission I need.”

I gave a watery chuckle. “Oh, you’ve been waiting for my permission?”

“No, because I’m a selfish git—as previously stated—who needs you too much. Please give it though. Please give it. Take me back, Tamsin.” He let out a choked sob and lowered his forehead to my shoulder. “Please take me back, love.”

“Okay,” I breathed.

He pulled me onto his lap and hugged me with all he had. I soaked up his determination and certainty. He was completely sure we would work and make it this time.

And I didn’t think he was lying to himself. It wasn’t him blowing smoke or having more faith in himself. Or us. He was simply certain.

I was not, but maybe I wasn’t as certain we would fail. Maybe?

“Thank you, love,” he rasped as he kissed my temple and rubbed my back. “I won’t let you regret it, I promise.”

I nodded as he kept whispering sweet things and promises to me. I wasn’t sure what else to do.

I did know what to do when he tried to kiss me. “Slowly.”

“Right, you thought the dream was…” He let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, but I don’t regret them,” I admitted.

“I’m glad.” There was an awkward pause and he cleared his throat. “We also need to talk about something else difficult.” He gave me a worried look when I glanced up at him. “You broke the mistress charm.”

And now we were back together. Fuck.

It wasn’t as if we were going to jump right back into doing dirty things all over his lecture hall—far from it. But our auras had gotten us busted more than once.