Reaching Answers (Artemis University #8) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,40
and kissing my hair. “I thank the gods every day you broke free of all of that and it didn’t win, it didn’t take you too.”
I snorted. Right, my dream Julian would do that. The real one wouldn’t. “Yeah, okay and—”
“I do,” he swore. He turned us so I was on my back and he was on his side over me. “I do, my sweet fairy. Before I go to bed everything night, I pray to the gods—the same four things. I thank them for giving you a way out, finding Mel, and you didn’t get swallowed up by the hell all around you.”
“And?” I breathed, actually believing him, which was crazy since it was a dream.
His eyes shined with tears. “That you’ll forgive me and we can be together again. I pray for the strength to be who you need and the patience to hold out. I beg for the wisdom how to get you back so I don’t die inside without you anymore.”
“Julian…”
“I pray for our world to survive and get better. That these gits will stop being in power and doing so much to all of us and we can do better, be what we should be as a society.”
That, I would believe of him. That sounded very much like what Craftsman would pray for.
“And I pray that you survive,” he rasped, lowering his forehead to mine. “I pray that you can hang on through all this madness and get the help you need, not just fucking Neldor. There are so many fairies who would—you wouldn’t be fighting this all alone. I’m scared for you learning of your lineage but I’m also thrilled as the Light Guardians will protect you and you can survive.”
I flinched. How did my dream know about something I didn’t? I had no idea what the Light Guardians were. You must have read something about them and forgotten.
My thoughts were distracted when he kissed me, melting against him and wanting that kiss more than anything. I hated how weak it made me feel to cave—even in a dream—but I missed him.
Constantly.
Always.
“I still love you, Julian,” I rasped. “I have to stop loving you.”
“Don’t. Please don’t ever say that, my sweet fairy,” he begged. “I’m only whole because you love me. Please don’t ever stop loving me.” He kissed me again and sniffled loudly. “You said you didn’t want this tonight. I won’t push. What are you going to do with White?”
“Oh, I’m going to work with her on the spy traps. I think she could more than handle making them or at least show me how not to hemorrhage magic to make one. I’m doing something wrong, I know it.”
He sighed again. “I’m not going to lie that they aren’t seriously fucking cool. I’m dying to tear into them. I know you worry I came back for them, but I didn’t.”
“But they’re cool and your mind gets all into things like that,” I murmured. “I know. When I calmed down—Zack and Ray made sure I truly knew that wasn’t why you were back and how much the accusation hurt you. I’d want to play with them too. I get it.”
He snuggled against me, even moving between my legs and adjusting the blankets over us… Which made me realize we were both naked.
Great, my dreams were even working against me.
“Yeah, I would, but I want to play with them because they’re yours,” he whispered, kissing along my neck and distracting me. “You’ve come so far, so fast, love. I want to work on everything with you. I loved tutoring you in Latin and—”
I flinched, trying to pull away. “And forgot our tutoring sessions. Forgot me to talk magic with Campbell.”
“Gods, it gets me so fucking hot when you get jealous over a tosser like me, but I hate you hurt,” he mumbled, not letting me go. “I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry I—I wanted to learn about your crystals and be part of it with you, not behind. I—I can’t take being behind. I’m sorry I took you for granted, Tamsin.”
I closed my eyes, longing to hear those words from him and believe them. I knew why my dreams would have him say it.
Except it wasn’t real and if he said it to my face, I knew I wouldn’t trust it.
“I gave you all of me and I wasn’t good enough,” I rasped. “I need to let you go, Julian. I have to.”
“No, never,” he growled, mashing his mouth to mine.