Raven's Return - Ruby Dixon Page 0,47

he rubs a spot on his jaw, grimacing. My hand throbs, and I suspect I just decked him in the face. "Sorry. Bad dream."

"Are you all right?"

What do I say to that? I had a nightmare because everyone called me on my lies and threw me back in prison? You looked at me with wretched disgust and made me feel like a worm? I know it's a dream, and even so…it bothers me. Is a liar truly worse than anything? Or is that just my brain trying to get me to confess to the others now that I've confessed to U'dron and he took it well?

I've enjoyed being away from camp the last few days, sadly enough, because I didn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Even though Juth tried to take me away and that wasn't fun, I've enjoyed being away with U'dron. Suddenly I'm so very tired of lying, of being quirky, always-happy Raven instead of the real me.

"What would you do if I told you that I was going to confess to everyone when we get back to camp?" I ask U'dron, keeping my voice mild despite the fact that my heart is hammering wildly in my chest. If he hates the idea, I won't do it.

He gazes down at me with an expression of surprise. "I thought you did not wish to share it?"

"I just realized I'm so tired of pretending," I sigh. "But if you think it's a bad idea—"

U'dron rubs my back, shaking his head at me. "No. I think it is a very good idea. I understand how tiring it can be to keep a secret."

He would. I burrow back down against him, pressing my cheek to his chest. "I'm scared, though. What if everyone hates me?"

"Then they do not know you like I do. You have a good heart." His hand strokes my tangled hair. "A spirit filled with music. And you are giving and kind. If they do not like you for these things but decide to be angry that you took your clothes off so you could eat, then they do not deserve you."

He makes it sound so simple.

17

RAVEN

My eyes prick with tears, which is silly. I don't cry. I didn't cry the day my mom threw me out, or the day I pled guilty in court. I didn't cry when I ended up here on this planet. I'm not a weeper. But…it's so nice to be understood. I swallow the knot in my throat and slide my arms around U'dron's waist. "You're the best. You know that?"

"I'rec might disagree." He chuckles.

"I don't care what he thinks. Neither should you." Really, the way I'rec and the others have treated him kind of enrages me. On one hand, I understand how they are still going by the same rules we always have. When you lose almost everything in your life, you find comfort in the familiar. But the cluster of people on Icehome beach are all in this together. We can make our own world and discard the old ways that don't suit us anymore…ways that finger one person as “less” or another as born wrong.

Juth and Pak are people, just as much as U'dron is a full hunter.

But I guess being a former stripper and ex-con, I've got a big investment in old labels not mattering. Maybe the others don't agree.

"I'll keep your secret, U'dron," I tell him. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Perhaps I should share mine, too. If you are being brave and sharing yours."

"I didn't bring it up because I felt like we both needed to confess. I don't want you to feel like you have to. I just…feel like I do." Especially after that disturbing dream. I don't like the idea of telling everyone my secrets, but it'll have to come out eventually. I might as well get it over with. "Don't let me influence you."

"I will think on it." U'dron's expression is thoughtful. "I do not know if I'rec and the others will like if I confess. They have all kept the secret with me. They did not want the others to know I did not pass the proving. They did not wish for Shadow Cat to be seen as 'less' in the eyes of the others."

I get the feeling that keeping U'dron's secret was more out of their own pride than any feeling they have for U'dron, but maybe I'm being unfair. "If it's such a big deal, why don't they