Raven's Return - Ruby Dixon Page 0,22

back to the camp? Put him around the others?" I am utterly astonished at the thought. "What if he steals you again? What if he steals all of our food?"

She glances over at the kit and his father, and then back at me. There's a remoteness to her expression that startles me. "So because he did something bad when he was desperate, he deserves to be thrown out of all society forever?"

"If people do not follow the rules, how can we trust them?"

"You can't." Her tone turns sweet, and she gives me a smile that somehow does not reach her expressive eyes. "Forget I said anything at all."

R'ven moves away from me, and even though she is all smiles, I suspect that I have somehow wronged her. That I have made a mistake I cannot recover from…but what?

7

RAVEN

U'dron and the outcast Juth discuss bargaining over me. I tune out, watching Pak happily drink hot tea, eat his father's portions of the rations, and snuggle up in the blanket around his shoulders. He's a hardy little guy, but it's clear he'd do better with warm clothes and a full belly. That's not what bothers me, though. It's not even the bargaining at this point that bothers me.

I'm hurt to my core by U'dron's words—that Juth can't be trusted because he made a mistake.

It's clear to me from the conversation that Juth never meant to kidnap me. He saw me in the cave, stole me, and then didn't know what to do with me. Other than being irritating about the fire, he never hurt me, and the only time he put a hand on me was when I tried to leave. It makes sense given that he thought I belonged to him and that I'm a bargaining chip of some kind. Juth made a mistake. It wasn't about me, truly. Even now, Juth seems way more interested in food and supplies than having me as a mate. The guy's been alone with a kid for months now. He wants what we all want—safety and security—and that's why bringing him back to the tribe would be the perfect solution.

But U'dron doesn't like that idea because of Juth's actions. And while I understand that, partly, it also hits me to my core. Are we going to be forever judged by the actions of our past, no matter how stupid? Because if so, I'm totally screwed.

I might as well get used to being out here with Juth, because something tells me he's not gonna be the only outcast if the others find out who I really am. That I'm not Raven, hippie child of hippie parents with a sunshine-y past. That I'm Louise Skinner, a stripper and an ex-con. That I fucked up my life and kept on fucking it up until I got here…and then I fucked it all a third time because I came up with a persona.

Did I have a choice, though? I'm surrounded by a tribe of people who, for all their size and strength, are relatively innocent. The women that were kidnapped are good, clean sorts. A nurse. A student. A coffee barista. A freaking novelist. No one's a sex worker like me. No one's been in and out of jail for years like me. I knew once everyone started introducing themselves that who I am would be a problem, and I needed to survive.

So Raven was born.

It's not a stretch. Raven's my stage name thanks to the long black wig I used to wear on stage. It paired well with my pale coloring, and guys always thought a goth chick was hot. The hippie angle comes from my mom. She truly was a hippie and free-love type. Didn't know who my father was. Never found out. My mom lived in a commune and ended up pregnant with me and left because they wouldn't give her drugs any longer. It's been about the drugs more than the lifestyle for my mother, always, and I was never able to depend on her. I don't miss her. I don't miss dancing. I sure don't miss prison, though I'm certain my parole officer thinks I skipped town at this point and put out an APB on me.

Doesn't matter. They'll never find Louise Skinner ever again. She ended up on an ice planet surrounded by a bunch of sweetheart aliens and equally sweetheart humans and is the only stain on otherwise pristine snow.

So she's dead until the secret eats at me for so long