"All right." Jes's too-human voice sounded wrong out so deep in the woods. He didn't have to speak aloud - but it helped him keep track of who was saying what.
"What frightens you?"
"I know that."
Impatience and frustration overwhelmed him for a moment. Jes tossed his head in the vain attempt to shake the feelings away.
"Explain it to me then," he managed. "Why is remembering so frightening."
"You've always been dangerous," Jes said. "That's the point, isn't it? How can we protect them if you're not dangerous?"
The Guardian didn't answer, so Jes started for home. While they'd been talking he'd found landmarks in the moonlit night and had a pretty good idea where he was and how to find the shortest way home.
"You are a part of me."
Negation swamped him, and Jes stumbled over a dead branch that lay in his path. He stopped.
the Guardian said.
The Guardian's shame brought tears to Jes's eyes.
"You are a part of me," said Jes. "You help me keep my family safe. Tomorrow we are going to follow Lehr and keep him safe, too. That is what we do."
"No," said Jes.
"I'm not mad yet," said Jes. "I don't feel like I'm going to go mad. Maybe I'm different from those others. Mother says that she thinks I am." He smiled to himself. "She says it might be stubborn solsenti blood. She says that if Aunt Alinath is too obstinate to give in to reason, that I can be too obstinate to give in to madness."
Jes knew who "she" was. He let his smile widen. "Papa says Hennea loves us. Let's give her time to understand we are stronger than she believes."
He waited for a heartbeat or two, but the Guardian had said all he intended to say.
Tier rested, but he couldn't sleep. Had he said enough to Jes? Or had he said too much? He didn't know as much as he needed to about the Guardian Order - though from what Seraph had told him, neither did anyone else.
He heard Lehr tossing and turning in the room below. He was worried about Lehr, too. Lehr was not reckless; he wouldn't take chances unless there was no other choice. If Lehr were only going off to face a half dozen bandits, Tier would not be half as nervous. Skill and caution were of little use against plague. He'd have to trust to Lehr's Hunter skills to get him safely to Benroln's clan and to Brewydd's skills to keep his son safe from the plague.
It went against his grain to have his son risk his life for him. It seemed the wrong way 'round. A father should be willing to lay down his life to protect his family - he shouldn't have to rely on his son. But he'd had the whole of his stay with the Path, when he thought he'd not live to see home again, to decide that without him, his family was too vulnerable. In five years that would not be so true, but for now his family needed him. And for all Seraph's mending he could tell that he wasn't whole yet.
His stay with the Path had left him with more than just physical ills, and he was certain he stood to lose more than his ability to sing a few songs. Seraph had told him often enough the Order wasn't just a facade that could be easily separated from the man he was, but was as much a part of him as his right arm. He was afraid that if whatever magic the Masters had worked upon him succeeded in severing his Order, there would be no stanching of the flow of his life's blood.
Seraph rolled toward him and wrapped her arms around his arm, nuzzling her face against him until she