Ravage (Royal Fae Academy #1) - Lacey Carter Andersen Page 0,15
overwhelmingly do. Like rage.
For a second I see myself as a young boy standing in front of my grandmother’s cottage as the flames consumed the structure. But I only felt the flames at my back, because I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t look back. Because if I did, I’d remember that the flames might burn away the evidence of what I’d seen, but it could never erase the images from my mind.
If I wasn’t connected to Esmeray, I had no doubt that I would’ve accepted my grandmother’s murder. I’d look back at our time spent in her kitchen with fondness, not the bitter-sweetness that I did. But I was glad. If I forgot the pain and anger of that night, then maybe I’d lose my empathy for others when they lose loved ones. I’d walk around this world believing that my future was guaranteed and that the evil that lurks in the shadows couldn’t hurt me.
I never wanted to be that naive again.
It takes me a second to realize that my hands are clenched and that sweat beads my brow. I take a ragged breath and try to focus on the future. To focus on what had brought me to such a dark place.
When Bron had told me that Esmeray was now on campus, taking over her brother’s old room, I’d felt a need to be near her uncurl within me like nothing I’d felt in my life. After knocking lightly on her door and finding her gone, the way I felt changed. Worry grew. I’d gathered my weapon and set off to find her.
But when I came across the iron demon attacking her, it was rage that took over. That blinded me. I’d felt things when killing that demon that no light fae should feel…like complete and utter satisfaction that I killed the creature hurting my female.
And when I’d swept her into my arms and carried her light body to my bedroom, I was complete for the first time in my life. Her body, her touch, things I’d gone too long without, were finally a part of me. Even knowing that it was a false feeling of completeness, that my mate hadn’t willingly came into my arms, that fear and weakness had brought her to me, wasn’t enough to diminish the sense that everything was right in my world at last.
But now? Now I was a fool, because as she lay against me in my bed, I felt things I should never feel for a woman who cannot love me back in the same soul-ending way that I love her. I stare down at her ashen face, framed by her dark hair, and I can’t imagine spending another night alone.
“Fucking hell,” I whisper to myself.
She turns slightly, her brows drawing together, and curls closer to me.
I clench my teeth, willing myself to stay silent. I might want forever with Esmeray, but I couldn’t have that right now. What I could have… I could have tonight.
And that would need to be enough.
8
Dwade
Lunch with Lucian and Bron was strange. I felt like we hadn’t yet gotten used to Rayne’s empty seat since his death. We spent so much of our lunch in silence. Rayne was the guy who filled up our time with his stories and laughter. Without him, we stared a lot at his seat. We laughed, then grew quiet. But now that Esmeray was here, all we had were stories about her.
And yet, the shift was unexpected.
Lucian had told us about his fight with the iron demon and about Esmeray. It was hard to breathe as he described what had happened. A part of me felt angry with myself for not knowing she was in trouble. A part of me hated myself for not being there to protect her.
But there was also something inside of me that wished I had been the one to offer her protection instead of Lucian. Never before had I seen him as competition. It bothered me that I was jealous of a man who was like my brother.
And then Bron had told us about what had happened in their class. Fucking professor asshole is going to regret hurting our Esmeray. But as angry as I was, I was also shocked that a teacher at this academy would stand up so blatantly against the Bloodmores. No one had been that foolish with Rayne.
The three of us had come to the conclusion that Esmeray was in more danger here than we ever imagined, and that we