I accepted his hand and let him draw me out of the tub. He snapped down a towel and started drying me from head to toe. When he got to my stomach he bent down and planted a gentle kiss right over where our baby would be growing.
I gasped and felt tears starting again, fully unable to bring my emotions to heel, and wondering how I’d ever make it through everything intact. Why did I have to be so weak?
He lifted his eyes up. “But I love you, Brynne, and I have to be with you. Isn’t that enough?”
I lost it. Completely and totally, and for the goddamn zillionth time. Tears, sobs, hiccups—the whole nine yards. Ethan got the deluxe emotional package from me tonight. Poor guy.
My outburst didn’t seem to faze him, though, as he took charge, putting me back into bed, sliding in alongside me and drawing me close. He drew his fingers through my hair and just held me for a long time with no more demands, no questions or inquiries. He let me be, offering his comfort and strength generously without the prospect of anything in return.
He was thinking. I could hear the cogs grinding around inside his head as he pondered me. Ethan did that quite a bit, actually, the thinking without saying anything.
I was too, though. I remembered something Dr. Roswell had said to me more than once. Whenever I expressed my fears about the future, she said: “You’ll get through one step at a time, one day at a time, Brynne.”
Another cliché, yes, but one that was spot-on true, as Ethan liked to say sometimes. Spot-on true.
I’ll get through this one step at a time, and Ethan will be here to help me.
“It is enough, Ethan,” I whispered. His fingers stilled in my hair. “It is enough for me. You are enough.”
Ethan kissed me, gentle and soft, his tongue slipping inside to tangle around lazily like there wasn’t a care in the world for us right now. I felt his palm sweep down to rest low on my belly and he held it there, warm and protecting.
“We’re gonna be okay, baby. I know we are. All three of us.”
I buried my face in his chest and nuzzled. “When you say it, I believe you.”
“It will. I know this.” He lifted my face up and tapped his head with his finger. “I have visions, just like you have those super powers of deduction that you told me about once.” He gave me a wink.
“Really.” I added some sarcasm, just so he’d know I was over my snit about the wedding and could go back to acceptance.
“Yup. You, me and our little blueberry will have our happily ever after.”
I had to shake my head at him. “We don’t have a blueberry anymore.”
He feigned shock. “What happened to blueberry? Don’t tell me you ate it.”
“You idiot.” I nudged him in the ribs. “Blueberry is now raspberry.”
“Where are you getting this information?” he asked, one eyebrow quirking up.
“Website called Bump dot com. You should check it out. It’ll tell you everything you need to know about fruits and vegetables.”
He laughed. “I love when you play with me,” he said, taking my chin. “Especially when I can see the light in your eyes and you look happy. It’s all I really want. You to be happy with me, about us, our life together.”
“You do make me happy, Ethan. I’m sorry about how I am lately. A hormonal wreck crying over everything, moping, being difficult, ugh . . . I hate the sound of myself even apologizing to you right now.”
He shook his head. “Nope. We’ll have none of that. You don’t need to apologize, baby. All you need to do is agree to the announcement of our engagement. I wrote it out today. It’s ready to go.”
He looked so earnest in his request, and I realized in that moment the time for avoiding my fears about marriage, a baby, the stalker, everything that scared me, really, was definitely over. Going forward was the only option now.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
“You are?” Ethan looked more than a little surprised. “Just like that, you’re now ready?”
“Yeah. I am. I know you love me and I know you will take care of us. I finally admitted to myself with Dr. Roswell that I need you. I love you and I need you.” I cupped one side of his face with my hand. “Let’s do it.”
I got one of those spectacular and rare Ethan smiles that made it all worth it. I did indeed love making this man happy. It filled something in me, made me feel warm inside.
“We need to tell our parents and families. How do you want to break the news?” he asked softly.