“So . . . so you wouldn’t ask me to have an abor—”
“Fuck no!” He cut me off. “I can’t do a termination, Brynne. It would feel wrong to me . . . and I really hope you feel the same.”
I shuddered out a long deep sigh. “Oh, thank God!” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. “Because I know I couldn’t go through with an abortion, even if you demanded one. My mom tried that on me before and it just—it just sent me over the edge. I know I wouldn’t be able to . . .”
He kissed the rest of my response away and then rested his forehead on mine. “Thank you,” he whispered, with soft lips caressing my face.
I just breathed for a bit and let him hold me close up against his body. I needed to take it all in and understand his feelings; and I was so very relieved. “So you would be . . . glad?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “I don’t know if ‘glad’ is a word I would use to describe how I feel about the possibility of us becoming parents, but I do know what my conscience tells me, and if we are pregnant . . . then I guess it was fate for it to happen like this, and we just have to do it.”
Ethan’s eyes looked so blue right then I was sure I could drown in them. “Do you believe in fate?”
He just nodded. No words; instead he offered a gesture that felt more intimate than if he’d spoken it.
“Okay, where is it?”
“Where’s what?”
“My test. It was in my front pocket of my jeans.”
He got a blank look for an instant and then started to laugh. It was pretty uncharacteristic even for Ethan, considering the circumstances.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded.
“I just realized I don’t have it anymore. Freddy knows. He’s the only one who knows the truth.”
“How does he know and not you?”
“Well, he had to go to his clinic to get all the supplies needed for your IV and while he was gone, that’s when I found it had fallen on the floor.” He kissed the side of my temple. “I was just staring at it on the floor when Fred walked in. He asked me if I would look at it. I told him to read it, but not to tell me. And that’s what he did. He looked at the test and then put it in his shirt pocket, I think. He was really focused on getting some fluids into you, and quite frankly so was I. You were completely out of it. You never woke up even when I undressed you. You scared me to death.” He squeezed me a little. “Don’t ever do that again, please.”
“Trust me, I don’t want to feel that sick again, thank you very much. It’s awful . . .” I trailed off, realizing we still were without an answer to a question that really needed one.
“Wait, the second test—” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I was just thinking that myself. I wonder if it’s still downstairs in the powder room.” Ethan sat up in bed and reached for his jeans. “I really hope so for Fred’s sake, because I doubt he’ll appreciate being woken up at two in the morning to give us the first one.”
“Are you going down to see if you can find it?”
“Mmm-hmm,” he said, “I’ve been waiting for hours to know the truth and I don’t want to wait any longer.” He gave me another intense look as he pulled on his pants. “Okay with you?”
I nodded and took another deep breath. “I want to know too.”
He stood up and checked my IV bag before dropping down to kiss me quickly on the lips. “Don’t go anywhere, baby.”
“Oh, I won’t,” I said sarcastically, “I want this out of me.” I indicated to my wrist.
“In the morning, he said. He’ll remove it then.” He smoothed my hair in that gentle and soothing way he had. “The drip is going in very slowly now.” He gave me a really nice smile. I loved seeing it. I loved when Ethan smiled, period. Because it changed his whole face to where he really looked . . . happy.
“I’ll be right here waiting, then.” I nodded.
He lost the smile and got serious again but turned back at the door, in his jeans and bare feet, his hair in disarray from dragging his fingers through it, his beard looking scruffy.
He took my breath away.
Heading down the grand staircase, I was able to take my first relaxed breath in hours. Well, maybe relaxed is not accurate, but the dread that had been crushing me like an anvil on my chest had lifted enough that I could breathe without physical pain.
She was back in the land of the living, for one thing. We were on the same page with unplanned pregnancies for another. The rest of it would have to be dealt with one step at a time.