Queen Sized - Jessa Kane Page 0,26

a soft meadow.

Gwen is there, wrapped in sunshine and waiting for me.

Her words from earlier come drifting back, muffled as if spoken from a great distance.

You will be ready to take a chance on love someday. You’ll judge a person based on their actions and you won’t see them through the lens of your past. I promise.

I see Gwen swapping her pie with the fair-haired woman.

I see her losing her place in the water carrying race so she can help a friend.

And it’s never been more obvious that I’ve been a fucking idiot.

Now that I’ve unburdened myself of my life’s darkest days, there is no lens of ugliness. The scars are still there, but they’re faded. I might be a fighter, I might have littered battlefields with the corpses of my enemies, but I’ve been living life…scared. Scared of being betrayed again. Or left out in the cold.

But how can I use the lessons of my past to judge my relationship with Gwen?

One is night and one is day.

All this time, I thought I was pulling her closer, but there was always going to be a wall between us until I realized…I’m safe with her. My heart is safe in her hands.

But her heart?

It wasn’t safe with me.

I’ve asked this incredible woman to sell herself short.

I’ve asked her to be my mistress when she is destined to rule.

Jesus. I should have been begging her to be my wife.

Now there is a terrible hammering in my head telling me I waited too long. And the foreboding I felt earlier makes sense now.

She was never agreeing to be my mistress, she was saying goodbye.

My heart flies up into my mouth and remains there as I get dressed. I bust through the opening of my tent, then realize I don’t know where she will be. The auction is set to begin soon, but will she be part of it now that her innocence is gone? Women have been known to claim their virginity is intact in order to be part of the contest, but Gwen is too honest for that. No, she would have gone to get her sisters.

I hasten toward the commoners’ tents on the opposite side of the valley, already rehearsing an apology and proposal of marriage in my head. Nothing is going to be good enough. Nothing is going to make up for the pallor I’ve cast over our first days together, but maybe if God is merciful, I’ll be granted a lifetime to make up for it—

I freeze mid-stride.

Up ahead, the king of Lavere is taking Gwen’s hand, leaning over to kiss her knuckles.

The memory of him watching Gwen earlier comes roaring back and my organs seize inside of me. I’ve been an idiot, but this man obviously has not. He’s recognized Gwen’s worth and offered for her hand before I can. It’s obvious. God almighty, I am too late.

I’m too late to claim to love of my life.

Determination surges inside me, gripping me by the throat.

The hell with that.

“Gwen!” I bellow, my voice carrying through the valley and over the loch.

My feet carry me toward her, though the ground seems to be trembling beneath them.

She turns and the pain in her eyes nearly fells me. “Yes?”

“Please allow a fool to apologize,” I say raggedly. “Please allow him one more chance.”

“I’ve asked Lady Gwen to be my queen,” says the king of Lavere calmly. “It seems you’ve failed to do so, despite ample opportunity.”

My hand goes to the hilt of my sword, aching to carve out his fucking tongue, but I really must have left the Fury behind on the battlefield, because I resist, somehow aware that violence isn’t going to solve this particular problem. And being that this is the most important moment of my life, I have to get it right. I have to. So I speak to Gwen and only Gwen.

“He’s right. I’ve failed. Not offering you a place in my life that is worthy of your grace and beauty and strength is unforgiveable. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” A line works in her throat, but her expression remains unreadable. “I woke up without you, my love, and realized there is no worse fate. And I’ve suffered some terrible ones. Enough to know that losing you would be the worst punishment of all.”

“I challenge you to a duel for her hand,” inserts the other king.

Gwen gulps, her eyes shooting wide.

I don’t realize we’ve attracted quite a large crowd until several people laugh. There is