We were about half an hour into making our way down a deep canyon, using the jutted rocks like stepping stones. I was making sure my mother stayed on the inside, as I could see her fear of heights was making it difficult for her.
“Seriously, you've been married to a guy with wings for how long, and you’re still scared of heights?” I teased, in hopes of cutting through the tension of our dire situation. She gave me wry smile in return. At the very least, she was walking easier and no longer needed my help having gained her strength back. As for Matthias and the witch, they were well ahead of us, knowing that we wouldn't dare try and run. For starters, the distance they put between us meant only one thing, that they could control my mother and didn't need to be close to do it. This meant that we were on an invisible leash.
At the very least it gave us time to talk, even if at first it was difficult to even know what to say. So much had happened between us since the last time we saw one another, there was so much to be said and yet I knew if I started, I would probably end up in tears. Something that was soon confirmed when I said,
“Mum, about what happened, I…”
“You don't need to say anything, Fae,” my mum said, cutting me off and giving me a squeeze around the waist, hugging me to her side.
“But I do! Please, let me just say this.” My mother looked thoughtful a moment before she nodded ahead of her, telling me to go first when a slight narrow part came up on the brutal mountain path. So, I grasped her hand behind me, knowing she needed this as we made our way through. Then, when it widened once more, we walked side by side again, and I started my apology.
“Back in the library, when I saw what I thought I saw… well I freaked!”
“I know, Fae,” my mother’s soft, understanding voice said, making me feel even more guilt for my past actions.
“I got scared and I ran… and I blamed you… and I blamed Lucius and well, I shouldn't have. I should have trusted you,” I said, rambling on until my mum squeezed my hand again.
“Oh, Fae, I don't blame you for your reaction. Trust me, kid, I have overreacted many times because of your father, and I have run from him even more. You might not believe this, but before you came along, I made a lot of stupid mistakes, a lot of foolish decisions that got me into dangerous situations. Believe it or not, you are not the only one who came into Hell believing that they could save the one they love,” my mum said, explaining then of the time that she too came to this very place in order to try and save my father.
“I had no idea of all the things you did, why did you never tell me? There are all these stories, these amazing things that you and Dad did together for the prophecy, to save the world, and you never told me any of them,” I said, unable to keep the accusing tone from my voice.
“Maybe one day you'll become a parent, and you'll realise that you want to protect them, and sometimes that means lying to them or not telling them about the whole truth by keeping things from them. I'm not saying that it was right, and I also know that in a lot of ways we pushed you away by doing it… by not including you in your father’s world, in our world. I know you felt segregated, sweetheart, but you have to know we have never ever stopped loving you and sometimes, when you love something so much, you can suffocate it with your own protection.”
“I get that, I do, but it wasn’t easy, especially not when Theo came along,” I said, not mentioning my other brother as I knew that would only remind my mother of the hurt she still suffered over Thane, so I tried never to mention him for that reason.
“Look at you, you’re so grown up now, you're the one protecting me,” my mum said, patting my cheek and looking nothing but proud. I had to admit it warmed my heart. It also gave me enough courage to ask what we both knew needed to be asked.