really famous,” Suzanne said. “It’s called the Love Potion.”
“Is Suzanne gay?” I whispered to Charlene. “Because he’s acting very straight.”
“Suzanne? Oh, no! He’s totally straight. He’s just a female impersonator, like me. He always wanted to be the next Dame Edna. But then, who doesn’t?”
More than a few people, I thought.
“Yeah, well,” I said, certain then that I had seen it all, “the next Dame Edna is kissing on your mother-in-law!”
And the QB was loving it. There was no one I could tell who would believe it.
“Okay, so here’s a really fun bee fact. Honey is nectar that has been chewed and regurgitated over and over!” I said.
“Ewwwww! Bee barf!” Hunter said.
“That’s right,” I said.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Gone Boys
Little boys are fragile creatures. In our society we rear them to rise above emotional outbursts, to be the stronger sex, to bravely go to war, even though women make up about 20 percent of our armed forces now. But inside their hearts, all small humans are the same—tender and sweet and in need of just as much guidance in forming values and learning manners, and for someone to shape their ambition, hear what’s on their heart, and do something about it. They are just trying to navigate their way into the world, and it’s impossible to do it alone and do it well. Children need advocates.
The terrible truth of Tyler and Hunter’s new reality was that they had no advocate. Sharon, in a short span of time, had moved into their lives and manipulated everyone in such a way that any disagreement about the slightest thing was deemed a betrayal and punished.
There was too much sadness in them, and Archie refused to see it. And with every passing day those boys came to me, I could see their zest for life diminishing. I would try to cheer them, but eventually I realized it was to no avail. They could not be cheered. They had all but stopped complaining about Sharon because they said they knew nothing was going to change.
They were at my house while Sharon and Archie went shopping for a new mattress. Had they already worn out the one they had?
“I’m just trying to get through the summer. Someday, I’ll never have to see her again,” Tyler said.
“I can’t even look at her,” Hunter said.
“Have you had a boys’ night out with your dad?”
“We were supposed to, but then she found some reason why he couldn’t go,” Tyler said.
“Oh, who cares?” Hunter said. “He’d rather be with her anyway.”
“You know, boys,” I said, “it’s not unusual for newlyweds to want to be alone a lot of the time.”
“That’s not the problem. The problem is there’s no room for us,” Tyler said.
“No, the problem is,” Hunter said, “we’re not welcome.”
“That’s absurd,” I said, having heard enough. “And I have to tell you, I don’t think it’s true. It may be somewhat true on certain days in certain situations, but it can’t be entirely true. If it was, you’d be heading to a boarding school.”
“So now you don’t believe us?” Tyler said.
“Tyler? You both know I love y’all from the bottom of my heart, don’t you?”
They said, “Yeah, we know.”
“What I’m seeing from where I stand is different than what you see. I see that you are having a really terrible time trying to adjust to your dad’s marriage. And I see that you both are looking for solutions and can’t find them. It’s not an unusual problem, do you know that?”
“Not really,” Tyler said.
“Yeah,” Hunter said.
“Well, we need a solution, because I can’t take your unhappiness much longer,” I said, and then thought it probably wasn’t the most empathetic thing I’d ever said. “What’s your plan for this weekend?”
“Nothing,” they said.
“Okay, so why don’t I call Maureen and see if we can’t go over for a swim or all of us maybe go to a movie?”
“Okay. If she’ll let us go.”
“I’ll ask her. So, for now, do y’all want to make milk shakes?”
That perked them up, and I said a little prayer of thanksgiving.
“Do you want to scoop the ice cream?” I said to Hunter.
I didn’t tell him it was frozen yogurt.
“Yeah!” he said.
Frozen yogurt, milk, chocolate syrup, ice, and a shot of vanilla went into our blender and Tyler flipped the switch. The blender made so much noise, you couldn’t hear yourself think. The next thing I knew, Archie was standing in my kitchen. When we turned the blender off we turned to see him there.