“I’ll be your best friend. And, just so you know, I’m not afraid of her.”
Maureen was right. What could Sharon do?
“All righty then. Let’s do it! I’ll bring the cake.”
“I’ll get pizza and sodas,” she said. “We should invite a few parents, too. You know, to supervise.”
“And a teenager who’s a certified lifeguard?”
“Excellent idea!”
Over the next half hour our plan came together. Tyler and Hunter would think they were just going over to Matthew’s for a swim and maybe supper. They should arrive at three. The other kids would get there at two. They would hide in the bushes, jump out, and yell surprise! Tyler was going to lose his mind! I was getting excited. And I loved having a secret. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to talk over the next week.
We chugged slowly along Middle Street as we tried to take the golf cart home. The battery was dying.
“As soon as we get home, I’ll put it on the charger,” Tyler said, sounding very much like an adult.
“You are such a good helper, Tyler!” I said.
“I’m a good helper, too,” Hunter said.
“Of course you are, sweetheart!”
It was somewhere around five o’clock. Archie and Sharon’s cars were in the drive. I was carrying leftover cake and surplus plates and napkins over to our house. Sharon met the boys on the porch.
I heard her say, “Dinner is at five o’clock. You know that. It’s five thirty. The kitchen is closed. Sorry. There will be no dinner for either one of you.”
“But we can’t tell time!” Tyler wailed.
“Then I suggest you learn how.”
She had to be the worst woman in the whole entire world to step into Carin’s shoes. What in the name of everything holy did Archie see in her? I went inside and called Domino’s, paid for a pizza with my credit card, and told them to deliver it anonymously to Tyler. It was really my fault that they were late. I didn’t know about the dinner rule. But a pizza would send a strong message.
I waited and watched. Fortunately, it was Archie who opened the door when Domino’s arrived. He took the pizza and went inside. I wondered then if he knew it was from me. He was so dense these days, he probably thought it was a gift from the heavens, like manna.
Next Thursday couldn’t get here fast enough. But Sunday came first, and that meant Leslie’s return. She came rolling in around four in the afternoon. Momma and I were in the kitchen, drinking tea and waiting for her.
“So? How was it?” I asked.
“It was insane, just as you’d expect. Charlie won a special award for emerging talent. A thousand dollars and a trophy. He had a ball. I was completely overwhelmed by the spectacle of the whole thing.”
“A little more detail would be nice,” Momma said, in her more caustic voice, because she had been starved of Leslie’s company for a few days.
“Well, let’s put it this way. If you went to a bar with impersonators on the outskirts of Charleston, you’d have one level of costume. You know, a nice gown but maybe the wig might be of a type that is natural hair, trying to pass for Ann-Margret when she was young.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Momma said.
“But when you go to Las Vegas, the ladies there have on extraordinary wigs, eyelashes so long and thick they’re like awnings, glitter in their makeup and on their bodies, gorgeous gowns like they wore in the old days of Hollywood, and so much jewelry it borders on garish. They’ve got huge attitude that’s regal but naughty and sassy at the same time. And most of them have hilariously funny personalities. I think quite a few of them started out doing stand-up and for one reason or another, they graduated to impersonators who also do stand-up.”
“Did you take pictures?” Momma said.
“Of course!” Leslie said.
“Let’s see,” Momma said.
Leslie clicked around on her phone and then slid it over to Momma. I got up and stood behind her so I could see them, too.
“You were not exaggerating,” I said.
“No, she did not stretch the truth,” Momma said.
From one to the next, the ladies were stunningly beautiful, and you could not tell they weren’t women. Then we came to the pictures of Charlie. He paled by comparison in terms of hair, wardrobe, and accessories. Momma sat back and considered his pictures for a moment or two, and then she scrolled back to the others.