be over in a hurry. I watched Archie’s face, looking for a crack in his wall. But Archie was too much of a gentleman to be anything else. He smiled warmly at Sharon as she approached him. I could see that he felt genuine affection for her.
The judge invited anyone who had objections or knew of a reason why Archie and Sharon should not marry to speak.
They exchanged vows, and I felt like I was in some altered state of consciousness, watching myself in a nightmare. Suddenly, I noticed a couple of honey bee scouts, buzzing around. Then a few more and a few more. They could only be mine. What were they doing out after dark? I sent them a mental message to go home and not come back here tonight or there’d be hell to pay for them. But I still wished for a disaster to happen; a little one would be fine.
The next thing I knew, the ceremony was over, and Archie gave Sharon a polite kiss. She grabbed the back of his neck and laid one on him that was so French I couldn’t believe my eyes. I mean, gross. There was nervous laughter all over the place and I thought, Good, there’s something he should notice.
They came up the aisle, smiling at everyone, and went inside, I assumed to sign their marriage license. In moments, waiters appeared with trays of champagne-filled flutes, people were talking, and a party had begun. Everyone stepped out of the tent so that the wait staff could rearrange the chairs and add tables for dinner. Archie and Sharon reappeared and were mingling, followed by a photographer.
Leslie suddenly appeared, and we spotted each other.
“I decided to take advantage of the free cocktails,” she said. “How was it?”
“Pretty dismal, from my point of view. I kept wishing someone would call it off.”
Just then, a lone seagull flew over and dropped his visiting card on the back of Sharon’s gown. She didn’t flinch. He was followed by two others who did the same. Leslie and I looked at each other and burst into subdued laughter, the kind where you chewed on the insides of your cheeks until you tasted blood. Then there was a fourth, which made a direct hit on her head, and bird shit was now running down her face. Understandably, Sharon started shrieking. Had the birds joined forces with my bees?
Waiters rushed to her side with napkins and bar towels. When Tyler and Hunter saw what had happened, they fell to the ground, holding their stomachs and laughing like hyenas. I ran to them.
“Hey! Y’all! Come on!” I hissed. “Yes, it’s funny, but only in a terrible, terrible way. But you’re not allowed to laugh like this. It’s very mean!”
Reluctantly, they got up, and I brushed them off.
“You’re no fun, Mith Holly,” Tyler said.
“Yeah,” Hunter said.
“Wait a minute. You boys promised me to have an open heart, remember? We had a deal, and a deal is a deal.”
We looked over to where Sharon was practically getting a bath and saw her crying hysterically.
“I feel bad for her! Don’t y’all?” I said. “This night is supposed to be her dream come true! Now, go to her, like good boys, and see if there’s anything y’all can do! Offer to get her a glass of water. Hurry up!”
They scurried away and I turned back to Leslie, who was standing with a very tall woman with large hands. She had on a long blond wig, a blue silk dress, pumps, tons of jewelry, thick eyelashes, and enough makeup to put Estée Lauder right into a coma. I looked again and recognized her. Him. Oh, God. I nearly fainted.
“Hello, Holly,” said a familiar voice.
“Well, hi there yourself, Charlie,” I said. “What a, um, surprise!”
It was my brother-in-law. In full female regalia.
“I guess this makes us wedding crashers,” Leslie said, eaten up alive with giggles. “Can I get anyone a drink?”
“Yes, anything with alcohol would be perfect,” I said, unable to take my eyes off Charlie.
“I’d like a cosmo, if they can manage it,” Charlie said.
“Well, this isn’t Vegas, but the Lowcountry can hold her own in the booze department. I’m pretty sure about that.”
Just then the photographer appeared with Archie by her side.
“I wanted to be sure I had a picture of us,” he said. “And the boys. Where are they? They were supposed to follow me over here.” His eyes found Charlie, and his surprise was obvious. “Do I know you?”