“Okay, try this one on for size and tell me what you think. Charlie, who now prefers to be called Charlene, likes to dress up in women’s clothes. He’s moved to Las Vegas hoping to be hired in a revue of female impersonators.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Nope. And here’s the killer: he doesn’t see why that should have any impact on our marriage.”
“Great God. And you obviously had no idea?”
“No. None. You could’ve knocked me over with your finger.”
“Is he a dancer?”
“Well, he was one of sorts. Drum major with his college marching band. He likes to do high kicks. This is what I’m telling you, Archie. What’s the rush?”
“I hear you,” he said. An almost imperceptible amount of doubt crossed his face. “But, you know, Leslie, I’m no prize.”
“What do you mean? Are you nuts? You’re a total hunk!”
“Please. I’m an old fuddy-duddy with gray temples. I have two children . . .”
“I’m glad you brought them up. Is Sharon the kind of stepmother Carin would want for her boys? If memory serves, your two little guys were the loves of her life, besides you, of course.”
“Oh, I think she’d be thrilled,” he said, and I got the sense he believed it. “Sharon is accomplished and smart and she’s sexy as hell. That’s for sure.”
Great, I thought. So happy to hear she’s sexy. What was I? The Great Sphinx of Giza?
“Does Sharon like them? Do they like her?”
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll get that all worked out. But as Sharon says, they’re going to go to college and leave me. It would be nice to have a companion for myself.”
“Yes, they are going to go to college and leave you. But not for another decade.”
He got quiet then and reached for the wine bottle to refill our glasses. He leaned back and took a long drink and put it down.
“Ten years is a long time, Archie. I mean, I’d be happier if I knew she was crazy about Tyler and Hunter.”
“I’ll see about my boys. Don’t worry about that.”
“Of course, you will.” I paused. “Look, Archie. You might think I’m saying this because I’m sour on marriage, and at the moment I have to say, I’m not the biggest fan. If you didn’t have kids, I’d say go on and get married and have yourself a ball. But you do have kids.”
“And? What are you saying?”
“Well, in our family, we have the opposite problem. Our father just walked out one day and never came back. And there’s not a day that goes by that Momma, Holly, and I don’t relive the sting of it.”
“No, I’m sure it has had a huge impact on all of you.”
“I think what I’m saying is that whether the family member is leaving the tent or joining the tribe, all the members of the tribe deserve deep consideration.”
“Leslie, you’re the first person I’m telling. The boys don’t even know. I’m going to ask Sharon to be my wife. We’ll get married right here in my backyard the week after Easter. If she’ll have me, that is.”
The news was going to break Holly’s heart, and the boys were going to be devastated. What could we do to stop this wedding from happening?
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. It’s such a surprise. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re quite certain?”
“I am very certain. She loves me and she wants to make me happy. What else could I want?”
“Listen, Archie, I’ve never laid eyes on the woman. I’m sure she’s perfectly wonderful. Too bad she got to you first, is all I’m saying.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you know exactly what I mean. Holly and I and even the queen want nothing more for you than to be happy. But we want the same thing for Tyler and Hunter. None of us would think less of you if you changed your mind or went a tiny bit slower.”
“I hear you. I’ll think about what you’re saying. But Sharon and I knew each other before we knew each other, you know, in another lifetime. I think we’ve been together through many lifetimes.” He wiped his mouth with his napkin deliberately and placed it on the table, signaling the end of conversation on the topic. “Now, did I see a cake?”
“Sure thing,” I said and got up to cut a slice for him. “So you believe in reincarnation?”
“One hundred percent.”
“No kidding. Wow. Well, I’ll have another glass of wine, if we have any left.”