drawing me in his direction. I clench my hands at my sides so I won’t touch him. “Why do you think I’m upset? It’s just... upsetting. To lose control like that. To be so... uninhibited. I don’t do that. I’m not like that. It’s upsetting.”
His dark eyebrows pull together. “But why can’t you be? It seemed like you were enjoying that side of it. It doesn’t have to mean that anything about you will change. It can just be an experience. I can give you—”
“I know how good you are at giving women experiences.” I’m getting more scared than ever. My breath is coming out in fast pants, and my fingers have grown cold. “But I told you I didn’t want that. Why do you keep pushing it? I told you from the beginning that I didn’t want you to fake anything. To pretend to seduce or romance me. I don’t want that. I want things to be real. As real as possible. And then you go getting all charming and seductive like you’re going to sweep me off my feet with your sexiness and erotic voice and those creepy Damon Salvatore eyes. I don’t want that!” My voice breaks on the last two words.
He doesn’t move, but something inside him seems to freeze. His eyes are still fixed on my face, but he doesn’t appear to really see me. “Okay,” he says gruffly after a long hesitation.
“I’m sorry.” Damn it. It feels like I’m about to cry, and it’s the most frustrating thing. I clear my throat and try again. “I’m sorry. I really am. If you’re disappointed in me or whatever. That your... your...” I motion a hand between our bodies, trying to capture the word that’s escaping me. “Your thing didn’t work the way it normally does.”
“That’s not—” He shakes his head roughly. “I’m sorry. I’m the one who messed up. It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” I’m just as outraged by his taking the blame as I would be had he placed it on me. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one with all the issues. I’m the one who was acting confusing. Who acted like I wanted one thing but then stopped. But this is all new for me. I’ve never been with anyone as a... a client. And I really don’t... don’t want...”
“I get it.” He’s straightened up. Pulled back. It feels like he’s a million miles away from me now. “I understand. I messed up. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t being professional. You said you wanted me to be real, so I wasn’t paying enough attention to what you really—” He stops himself again and jerks his head to the side. “Anyway, it’s my fault and I’m sorry.”
My mouth is dry, and my eyes are burning. I have absolutely no idea what’s happening here, but every bone in my body wants to reach out for Damian. Pull him into a hug.
Why?
I have no idea.
“So.” He clears his throat again and finally meets my eyes. “Do you want to... stay the course with this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to keep working with me? I’m obviously not doing a good job making you happy, and it’s my fault. So I’d understand if you want to...”
“Fire you? Is that what you’re talking about?” I’m so astonished my vision blurs momentarily.
“Yes. Of course. It’s well within your rights. If I’m not providing the service you want, then you can go back to Companions for Hire and—”
“Oh my God, Damian, shut up! Shut the fuck up right now.”
He blinks. “Excuse me?”
“Of course I’m not going to fire you because we had one weird day. How can you even think that? What kind of spoiled, heartless, entitled princess do you think I am?”
He’s frowning now. His shoulders have relaxed. “It’s not like you wouldn’t have good reason. I would understand.”
I’m so outraged I have to stop myself from swatting at him. “Well, I wouldn’t understand. I’m not going to fire you. You’ve done a good job. You’ve tried to do what I want you to do. You’ve done just fine. It’s not your fault I’m not always sure what I want.”
It’s a ludicrous relief when his eyes start to glint with warmth again. “I don’t think anyone always knows what they want. I’m not about to hold that against you.” He drops his eyes and then raises them again. “So we’re... we’re good?”