sort of emotional mess, and this is as messy as it’s possible to get.
The fear of the mess wins out over the need to clear the air. The truth is I’m terrified that if I try to talk this out, I’ll end up oversharing. I’ll let Damian know how I’ve been feeling about him.
And no good will come of that.
So we go through the motions of our day, and no one seems to notice that anything is off. It helps that there are usually a lot of other people around. We have no space or privacy for a heart-to-heart even if I was inclined to have one.
We linger over lunch, chatting with my mother and Pop and also with Melissa and her husband, Trevor, who also joined us. I like both Melissa and Trevor. They’re smart and ambitious and quick-witted with sharp edges I appreciate. I’d enjoy the lunch better if Damian weren’t sitting beside me with an arm casually draped over the back of my chair.
He’s on. Smooth and charming and compelling and making sure that everyone loves him. Playing his part to perfection. He’s so good at it.
But it’s not real. I don’t like it.
Eventually it bothers me so much that I want to yank that smarmy smile off his face.
“You’re looking tired, Mel,” my mom says, peering at me in concern. Clearly my attempts to hide my feelings are starting to fail. “Didn’t you sleep well last night?”
“I slept fine.” I make myself smile. When her eyes keep scanning my face, I know I need an excuse for what she’s seeing, so I add, “I’ve just been kind of busy and stressed with work this week.”
“You shouldn’t stress yourself out. You work too hard, and there’s no reason for it. You don’t really have to work at all anymore, do you?”
“I like to work.” My smile is becoming more forced by the second. “I’d hate to just sit around and do nothing all the time.”
My mother reaches over to pat my hand on the table. “She was always like that. Even as a little girl. Her mind was always busy. Buzzing around. Solving problems and building things and thinking things through.”
I roll my eyes at that although the rest of the table seems to enjoy it.
My mom continues, “It’s good that you want to work. That you still want to do good in the world instead of sitting around and indulging yourself. But that doesn’t mean you have to work all the time.” She turns to look at Damian. “Can’t you get her to take a vacation?”
“Mom.”
“She makes her own decisions,” Damian says easily, chuckling in a way that my mom is sure to like. “About her work and her time off. But we will be going on a honeymoon eventually.”
“Oh, that’s right!” My mother claps her hands like a little girl. “I hadn’t even thought of it, but of course you need a honeymoon. When will it be? Where will you go?”
“We’re still working out the details. But it will be good, I’m sure.” Maybe I should be annoyed with Damian for adding this new thing that my mother can nag me about, but mostly I’m glad that he distracted her from her interrogation of my working habits. “Damian needs to get to a point in his dissertation when he can take a break first.”
There. That’s good. She doesn’t know anything about dissertations—Damian’s or anyone else’s. She won’t be able to suss out a definite timetable for the fictional honeymoon.
My comment works even better as a distraction since Trevor breaks in to ask Damian about his graduate work, and the rest of the lunch goes without a stumble.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE afternoon, Damian suggests taking a break and getting some rest, but that would involve my being alone with him for a couple of hours, and I don’t want that. Since he made the suggestion in front of my mother, it’s easy to say that I don’t want to miss out on any time with her.
So instead we go back to her place and hang out on her little patio, drinking tea and watching the birds at her feeders. She’s satisfied that it’s restful, and I’m relieved about avoiding alone time with Damian.
It’s a win-win as far as I’m concerned.
Pop’s Sunday supper is evidently a big event. It’s the one time during the week that he still cooks. It’s always at his house, and his entire family attends—sometimes on their own and sometimes with other