“Nothing!” He raises his hands in mock surrender. “I’m not complaining. I’m getting a lot of money out of this job for doing almost nothing. But still... It seems like you go to great lengths to look after your mom, but you’re not inclined to let anyone take care of you.”
I’m self-conscious now. My cheeks are warming. I stare down at my half-empty mug. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”
“Everyone needs someone.”
It feels like he’s gotten so deep into my psyche that it’s dangerous. My guardrails suddenly fly up. “Who do you need? Who do you let take care of you?”
He arches his eyebrows.
“Don’t give me that look! If you think you can give me advice, then you better be able to take it. So who do you let take care of you?”
“I still talk to my parents every few days. And I’ve got good friends.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Why are you surprised by that? Do I seem like someone who wouldn’t have friends?” He’s frowning now, like the idea bothers him.
“No. Of course not. I’ve just not seen you hang out with anyone.”
“Oh. My friends are mostly grad students. I see them on campus. We have lunch or coffee together a lot.” He’s got that gleam in his eyes again. “But they exist. I promise. I’ll introduce you to them if you don’t believe me.”
“I believe you! It wasn’t an insult. But anyway, it sounds like you don’t have any reason to lord it over me. I’m close to my mother, and I’ve got friends too. So it seems like we’re in the same boat.”
“I thought most of your friends are online.”
“They are. But that doesn’t mean they’re not real.”
Damian nods. “Yeah. But I still think I have a point. You don’t have to admit it, but it’s true.”
I know it’s true. I know he has a point. I know I’m always willing to jump in and take care of people, but I refuse to let them take care of me.
But I don’t see how that’s ever going to change. It’s just who I am.
I finish my hot chocolate in silence.
“Are you mad at me?” he finally asks.
“No, I’m not mad at you! Why would I be mad?”
“Because you don’t like people poking at your walls.”
“My walls are just fine.” I roll my eyes and try to scowl, but it ends up as a smile instead. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re obnoxious?”
“Well, you have. More than once.” He smiles for real.
It takes my breath away. “That’s because you are.”
We smile at each other until it makes me jittery. Then I stand up and take our empty mugs to rinse out in the sink and put in the dishwasher.
“So tell me about Steve,” Damian says without warning.
“What about him?”
“How close are you?”
“Really close,” I reply, frowning as I try to figure out the purpose of his questioning. “He’s my best friend and my business partner.”
“And there’s nothing more between you?”
“No.”
“There’s never been anything more between you?”
“No. Not really.” I think back before I admit, “Well, when I first met him in college, I thought maybe there might be potential. But nothing ever worked out. I think we’re too similar. We’re good friends, and that’s all.”
“Okay.”
“Why does it matter?”
“It doesn’t. I’m just curious.” His expression is perfectly bland. “Does he have a girlfriend?”
“No.”
“A boyfriend?”
“No, he’s straight. He’s just... not very social. Even more so than me.” I laugh. “I told you we were too alike to work romantically. But he’s a great guy. He’s brilliant and he has a big heart, and he’s really funny once he warms up to people. He’ll make someone a great boyfriend eventually if he can ever get himself going enough to make a move.”
Damian has relaxed again. The corners of his mouth are turned up as he listens. “And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you have any plans to ever be in a real relationship?”
The question startles me, so it takes a minute before I can answer it. “I don’t think that’s something you plan for.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Do you want one? A relationship?”
“I don’t know. I... don’t know.”
“Fair enough.”
“I guess the truth is I’ve never understood how it happens.”
He’s propping his head on his hand with his elbow on the granite bar, looking at me thoughtfully. “How what happens? Relationships?”
“Yeah. It seems like one of those things that other people know automatically, and I’ve just cluelessly skipped the lesson somehow.” I’m staring down at the way the