bruises that would fade by the morning. Our breathing was loud in the room, the absurd sound of cartoon cars only another reminder of what we’d had and lost.
It wasn’t graceful or studied the way we thrust against each other fully dressed. My legs were tight against his side as I dragged him against me.
“Eric,” he moaned into my shoulder. “God. You feel so fucking good.”
“Naked,” I said. “Naked would feel even better.”
He rolled his hips against me, spreading my legs wider. “God, yes.” He lifted his head from my neck, the damp skin pebbling as his breath chilled it. “Did we ever get to do that?”
I shook my head. “We were too scared.”
“Bed. Let’s go to bed.”
That was a brilliant idea. Everything we’d done had been hidden and quick. Back then the fear of discovery had added to the excitement and the drama of our hidden relationship. It was more than not wanting to be outted, though I had in no way been ready for that in high school, it was that it was private. How we were was only for us, it was everything. Maybe we’d been afraid it wouldn’t stand up to the judgment and the questions and the bright light.
And it hadn’t.
But we had another chance now.
We were in the bedroom and naked in under ten seconds. Throwing himself dramatically onto the bed, Jake dragged me back down on top of him. “Fuck,” I whispered as the feel of all that soft skin and hard muscle overloaded my senses.
We kissed for a long time, learning each other over again. Putting our years of experience to good use. We kissed until our hearts stopped pounding with nerves and fear and instead beat in time with the rising pulse of our arousal.
His hands were two points of heat on my shoulder blades, and his chest rose and fell beneath me as I pulled my mouth away, burying my face in the curve of his shoulder. I rested there a second, just breathing, wanting to imprint this moment into my cells.
“Eric,” Jake said, his hands trembling.
It was a question. This was familiar, too. Jake’s brain was an amazing, magical space but too often it could become a trap. He saw too many possibilities sometimes, and not all of them good.
I pushed up onto my elbows, placing a hand on either side of his face, holding him and forcing him to look at me. “It’s okay.”
“You promise?”
Oh, Jake. “I promise.”
“Even if…” He trailed off, trying to turn his head away from me, but his hands betrayed him, his fingers digging into my skin.
I pressed a quick kiss to his soft mouth. “Even if.” Even if this was all we ever got.
The way Jake stared at me, eyes wide, and mouth soft and open. That awed look in his eyes as if he couldn't believe he was getting to have this; like he was getting every Christmas present he'd ever wanted. Brash, confident, fight-the-world-singlehanded Jake Karlsson trembling beneath my hands.
That was the image that devastated me every time. I’d thought I’d been remembering it wrong, making it more than it had been. But I hadn’t been. I knew how he felt, because I felt it, too. Every time we were together. Nothing I’d had with anyone else had even come close.
That was the truth that mattered. No matter what Jake was hiding.
I put my mouth back on him, sucking bruises into his neck. He spread his legs wider, inviting me in, and I took the invitation, nudging him even wider with my knee. Our cocks pressed between us, sliding against each other as we moved.
Jake moaned and wrapped his legs and arms around me. I could barely move, our bodies sliding against each other as he whispered my name over and over. No one had ever needed me the way he did.
I was grateful for the tiny pinch of pain from our skin catching and slipping, it kept me from coming after an embarrassingly short time. Jake was close, too. I could feel it in the throb of his cock and the hitch in his breathing.
“Oh, fuck, God, just like that. Just like that.” He thrust up sharply, once, twice, legs dropping open, away from my body. “Oh my God, I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”
“I kind of thought that was the whole point.” My voice was none too steady.