Primal - By D.A. Serra Page 0,74

that make me? I guess as long as I’m still running, still fighting, I don’t have time to examine my own behavior, or to face the blood on my hands. I don’t need to think about what happened, because for me it is still happening, and so there is no time to think. Perhaps the ghost I’m running from is the apparition of me: of the me that died that night, the me who was kind and incapable of harm. So, then, am I running from the old me or the new me?

Once Jimmy can’t see his mom any longer, he starts to fidget in his seat. He tries to keep his mouth shut because he can see the conflict and pain on his father’s face. But he can’t keep his mouth shut. It’s his mom.

“Dad, we can’t leave mom alone.”

“Right now we have to. It may be the only way we can shock her into helping herself.”

“We have to go back, Dad.”

“Jimmy, you need to trust me here.”

“But we’re letting her down.”

“It’s only for tonight. I’m going to bring the doctor over tomorrow and we will get her the help she needs no matter what it takes.”

Jimmy is straining, working hard to hold his emotions in like a man. Hank can see this. It only adds more emotion, which he is already barely controlling.

“I don’t want to leave her, Dad.”

“Me either, buddy, me either.”

Jimmy slumps down in his seat. Hank looks over sadly. They have tried so hard to keep Jimmy on the outside of what’s happening to his mother, but of course, he sees it all. He knows this is a big step. Hank runs a series of well-known platitudes through his brain searching for something to say that will ease Jimmy’s mind. Nothing. There doesn’t seem to be anything that can make this easier. He rests his hand for a moment on Jimmy’s hand lying on the seat next to him. He squeezes. Jimmy squeezes back. Exactly the way Alison would and Hank aches for her.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Six

Grandma Carolyn was surprised to see her son and grandson pull into her driveway. Usually they call first. The fake grin on her son’s face told her that things were very far from okay and that the horror of the unimaginable events of these last many weeks was continuing to tear up the family.

“What a super surprise!” Carolyn kisses them both. “If I’d known you were coming I would have made Jimmy’s favorite chicken pasta.”

“It’s okay, Grandma, I’m not hungry,” he says deflated. Carolyn and Hank exchange a quick message with a glance.

“So, we’ll eat later.” She sees the suitcases and asks leerily, “Are you staying?”

“Just for a little,” Hank says.

Forlorn, Jimmy pushes past them, “I’m gonna watch TV.”

“Okay, son, go ahead.”

Jimmy heads off to the TV room. They watch him. From behind, it is evident that the spark has gone from this child. He shuffles off, scuffing his heels, with his chin dropped down and his hands shoved completely into his pockets. Hank follows his mother into the kitchen where she closes the door.

Carolyn is a formidable woman, worldly, and matronly in her bulky flowered caftan. She seems out of place in her own kitchen, which has been decorated with a surfeit of delicate items: porcelain teacups, champagne flutes, little picture frames, all of which only serve to make her loom larger in comparison. But she loves all of these sweet things. She turns to her son with trepidation.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Mom, we just need to give Alison a little space.”

“Space? A little space? What is this, high school? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s between us.”

“It isn’t between you. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking it is between you. It’s between you and Alison and Jimmy and you’d better not think it’s between you two alone.”

“I know.”

“There’s nothing you two could do that won’t affect that little boy.”

“Mom, I know.”

“So, what are you doing in my kitchen holding a suitcase, Henry?”

Hank plops down in the kitchen stool and rests his elbows on the Formica countertop. How much can he really tell his mother? He must be cautious. He must not say anything that could turn his mother against Alison. He can forgive Alison anything, but can his mother forgive Alison for putting her grandson at risk? No. She will protect her grandson with ferocity. He must choose his words with care. He must say enough for support, but not enough to damage Alison in his mother’s