Pride and Papercuts (The Austens #5) - Staci Hart Page 0,67
their beaks—”
“I’m sure it’s just the breeding pit stop on their way to Aruba,” Kash cut in.
Mom thought about it and shrugged, taking my arm. “Whatever you’re hiding, I’ll find out. I always do.” She turned her attention to me. “So where shall we start, Elaine?”
“I was thinking the ranunculus, maybe some hyacinths? Gardenias for sure, and—”
Mom was smiling, though her brows were pinched, and I realized that track would take us all the way around the greenhouse when she was likely exhausted just from coming down here to meet me.
I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.
Luke put on a sparkling smile and said, “How about you give me a list, and I’ll bring you whatever you need?”
Something in her eased along with the crease in her brow. “Sweet boy. Elaine, why don’t we pick out our ranunculus and gardenias, and Luke can get the rest?”
“Sounds perfect.”
She rattled off a number of various fillers and smaller flowers, giving Luke very specific instructions that I knew he’d remember to the letter. And when he headed off in search of a bucket, Mom and I turned for the flower beds we were after. She patted Kash’s shoulder as we passed, and he gave her that look we all did, ripe with adoration and thick with an amused sort of reverence. Because despite her meddling and lack of boundaries—looking back, it was always fond and funny, even though it rankled at the time—she was the beating heart of this family, and we loved her endlessly.
I helped Mom over the gardenia bushes and was about to get a bucket for us to use, but Luke was a step ahead, handing me a second along with a pair of clippers and a wink.
When the bucket was on the ground just behind us, I said, “All right. What do you think?”
“How about a now bouquet and a later bouquet? One to last through this week and another to last an extra.”
“I’ll take all the bouquets I can get.”
“Then let’s start here.” She pointed, and I reached into the bush and clipped it. “I’m so glad you came down early. Maisie has something in the slow cookers that smells so good, my mouth has been watering all day.”
“I’m glad too.”
She pointed to another, and though I didn’t meet her eyes, I knew she was frowning. “You sound tired.”
“I feel tired.”
“Is that job working you too hard?”
I sighed. “It’s not that. It’s just life, I think.”
She hummed noncommittally, pointing to another.
“What’s that mean?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I speak fluent Bennet.”
A sigh as I snipped. She pointed to another. “I just worry about you, that’s all. I know what’s going on with all of my children, except for you.”
“What do you want to know?” Snip.
“Well, I don’t know. Everything, I suppose.”
“I wouldn’t know where to start, Mom.”
Point. Snip. Silence.
When she spoke, it was quiet, reserved. “I know you were born into a difficult position, Elaine. All of these children, but you were the one I imagined would take my place. The moment I first held you in my arms, I pictured you here. Loving the things I love, dreaming the same dreams. It was a silly thing to do, though I don’t know that I did it on purpose. But now I don’t know how to dream anything else. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop hoping you change your mind.”
“About what, exactly?” I asked in an equal tone to hers.
Point. Snip. Silence.
“Of all my children, you are the farthest from me. I haven’t been able to reach you since you were a little girl, and I don’t know how to bring you back.”
My nose burned, the corners of my eyes pricking with the threat of tears. “I don’t know either.”
Point. Snip. Silence.
“What do you want, Elaine?”
The question jolted me.
“In life,” she clarified. “What do you want?”
I thought for a moment. “What everyone wants, I guess. To be happy.”
“Of course, but what will make you happy?”
I didn’t have an answer. The realization stung like a sunburn.
“Would you think less of me if I said I didn’t know?”
“I could never think poorly of you,” she said, turning to me with those big, shining eyes. She took my free hand. “I’ll just ask you one thing.”
I nodded.
“Find out. Because until you do, you’ll keep running away. You are brave and fierce and everything I’m not. You can do anything, Elaine. So dig around and find what you want, what will make you happy, and then get it. Do that one thing for