she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know what it means to love until everything hurts, and you shed your dignity and pride for someone else.
“Gus wants Penn to throw the game.”
Via’s eyes widen. It’s news to her, and that actually makes me release a little sigh of relief. Her wanting to screw me over is a given. Her getting back at Penn, however? I can’t stomach the idea.
“He wants to ruin your brother,” I say, my hand traveling from the glass to her chin, tilting it up, so we stare each other in the eye, something we should’ve done weeks ago. Years ago. “And you just handed him the weapon with which he’ll do it.”
She swats my hand away. “Bullshit.”
“Yup.” I grab her face, willing her to look into my eyes again. “Penn is broken, frustrated, lost, because of you.”
“You can’t tell him.” Via swallows, pushing me. I stumble backward, laughing. That’s what she cares about right now? She sounds like the old me.
Via paces back and forth, raking her fingers down her face, leaving pink streaks in their wake.
“He can’t know. He can’t know,” she repeats.
I turn around, making my way to my room. I need to start getting dressed if I want to make it to the park in time. Prichard chose the same place where Penn took my virginity, which is something he knows, of course, because he’s read my journal. We’ve met a few times after Penn entered the picture, though our sessions were few and far between. I tried not to think about them, to push them to the back of my mind. And, for the most part, I succeeded.
Via follows me, yanking my pajamas and spinning me on my heel.
“What do I do!” she screams.
I stop. I smile. Enjoy the view.
“You know, Via? For the longest time, I envied you. For years, actually. Ever since you showed up at my mother’s studio. Not because you were pretty or allegedly rich or any of those things. But because you were talented. You were better than me, and, well, I guess I couldn’t accept that. So imagine my delight and surprise when you returned, and I found out that you weren’t better than me after all. Sure, you might have been the better dancer, but everything else about you is rotten. You are selfish and ugly and even more insecure than I am. You’re vindictive and small and afraid. You will never be happy, Via. Ever. And that’s the best revenge one could ask.”
I arrive at the bench fifteen minutes late.
Panting and sweating, I spot Gabe seated on the bench, wearing gray sweatpants, a North Face jacket, sunglasses, and a ball cap. He obviously doesn’t want people to recognize him. I take him in for long moments from afar, trying to adjust the image I have of him in my mind—sharply suited and ready for war—to this unexpected, destructive time bomb.
“Sit,” he commands, still staring at a spot across the park from where he sits. I stumble to him, my heart pumping in my chest. I take a seat on the other end of the bench, as far away from him as possible, stifling a groan. My ass hurts so bad it is hard to breathe. But I won’t show him any more of my misery. I’m done giving him what he wants. I pray for this nightmare to be over, and right now, I need to concentrate on minimizing the damage and making sure the journal isn’t leaked.
I don’t ask him why I’m here. I don’t demand an apology. In fact, I keep the very little, very shitty cards I have close to my chest.
“Look at the bench across from us under the oak tree,” he clips.
I follow his gaze. A hill and scattered trees veil us from the other side, but because we’re at a higher point, we can see through them and have a direct view to the bench on the other side of the gardens.
My breath catches. Penn and Adriana are sitting together, huddled close. Harper is between them, cooing in Adriana’s lap. Penn props himself down, kissing Harper’s nose and pretending to bite her cheek. The toddler giggles, waving her little, chubby fists in his face, begging to be picked up.
Adriana grins and hands Harper to Penn. Penn smiles down at Adriana and laughs. I can feel his laughter in my empty chest as I break into a thousand minuscule pieces. So tiny are the parts of my broken heart they