Precious - Roe Horvat Page 0,56
Micah.”
True enough, when Micah returned, Travis sat in the foyer, index finger between his lips. He looked like a little boy, and Micah’s heart hurt as if a vise clamped around it. Travis dropped his hand and swiftly stood up.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes. Sheriff Callaghan was great. He said to remind you about a keg.”
Travis smiled. “Duly noted. Are you hungry? Do you want to stop by the diner?”
“No. Can we go back?”
“Sure. Sorry. You must be uncomfortable.”
Uncomfortable was an understatement. In the car, the ache and soreness became full-on pain. Micah couldn’t help but whimper quietly when he got out of the passenger seat.
“I’ll draw you a bath,” Travis said.
“Thanks.”
Travis brought him clean clothes and towels. After he filled the tub, he didn’t linger in the bathroom, and Micah didn’t ask him to stay.
He sank up to his neck into the warm water and closed his eyes. He needed to make his decision. If he stayed here for the rest of the summer, he’d hike and run, he’d start on his reading lists for the next semester, and he might even begin researching for his thesis topic. The prospect felt peaceful, safe. But what about Travis? What were they to each other now?
He searched for Travis in his mind. Was he walking through the house? Maybe sitting in the armchair in the living room to work on his laptop? He pulled Travis’s scent from his memory, visualized his smiling eyes and the taste of his skin. Micah sucked in a breath when he realized what he was doing. His hand was on his belly, rubbing circles. It had drifted there reflexively, as if the magical line between his and Travis’s body was still intact. Micah hugged himself, willing the bond to stay forever.
Reluctantly, he imagined leaving. Dark void spread in front of him, and his stomach clenched with the anticipation of pain. He couldn’t go there, couldn’t even envision the possibility. He might be a coward, but he wasn’t ready to face it. Not now, when he was barely holding himself together.
But did Travis still want him? Or was he letting him stay out of kindness? And wasn’t Micah a selfish hypocrite, needing Travis to love him when he couldn’t untangle his own feelings?
He had to stay. He couldn’t bear physical touch, yet he wanted Travis close. He didn’t know what it meant, why he felt like that. He almost resented Travis for making him feel weak and dependent.
Micah, my love, we belong to each other now. Your body won’t ever allow you to leave me.
Micah wiped the tears from his cheeks. Fucking hell, he was a mess. Why couldn’t he hide away in a fort of blankets and sleep for the whole week?
The bath helped with the soreness, but when he felt himself grow lightheaded, he got up and dressed. He found Travis by his laptop in the kitchen.
“Can I cook?” he asked. It was something he could do standing up without moving too much. A way to kill some time before it became acceptable to go to bed again.
“Of course. I’ll help you.”
“No. I’ll manage.” His answer was too harsh. Annoyance niggled at him, and he gritted his teeth, then softened his voice, willing Travis to understand. “I need to keep myself busy.”
Travis looked at him for a couple of seconds, then nodded.
“Okay.”
Micah pulled out vegetables from the fridge and cleaned them, the clicking of Travis’s keyboard a calming background sound. After a few minutes, the soft cacophony stopped.
“Micah.”
“Yes?”
“I asked you to stay here. I only want you to know I meant it.”
Micah put the leek and the knife aside and turned to Travis.
“Thank you.”
I need to stay close to you, but I want you to leave me alone. He couldn’t say that, could he?
“You don’t have to answer today. There’s no hurry.”
“Travis.” Just be honest. “Do you want me to stay, even when I can’t bear you touching me anymore?”
Travis winced. This was horrible. Micah was horrible. Yet he couldn’t help the resentment he felt. Why does he get to walk around like nothing happened, and I have to be sore and depressed for days?
“Micah, my wishes are irrelevant. I promised you that you’d be safe here, and that includes safe from me.”
The sadness in Travis’s eyes was heartbreaking. A small part of Micah wanted to kneel by Travis’s chair and soothe him in any way he could, regardless of his own discomfort. Hug him, kiss him, suck his cock. Another part recoiled from the fantasy.
Still,