only person who has ever told me the truth about myself, doubting, questioning and regretting. I was also having trouble keeping my mind closed to him. He was way stronger than I was.
“Ok, goodnight then.” Gavin kissed my forehead, then began to walk away. Relief—no, disbelief—and panic set in. He’s walking away from me? With slumped shoulders, I turned to open the door to my suite, but before I could, he was in front of me, grinning. He put a hand over mine, and, with his other hand, wiped away the tear that I’d unsuccessfully forbidden to fall in front of him.
“You didn’t think you’d get away that easily did you?” He pulled me into an embrace. How could he joke at a time like this? LJ’d said that Gavin was using me and that I liked it. She’d made me feel stupid, small and fearful. She’d brought up all the insecurities inside of me. The ones that sit at the back of my existence, creeping into my thoughts daily, seemingly with little notice. That is, until someone like LJ, intent on breaking me, reminds me of how insignificant I am.
The sadness was overwhelming. I nearly jumped into his arms—but the desire to hit him stopped me. I wanted to kick and scream and punch him, and I hated myself for it.
He must have found that funny since he laughed. I raised my hand to strike him. I knew I shouldn’t have, but he was laughing at me. The arrogant prick was laughing at me.
“Uh-uh-uh.” Gavin scooped me up into an all-encompassing hug. The negativity melted from me like candle wax. I hugged him back, tight, maybe too tightly. Gavin pulled away.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. I wanted to be close with him. I wanted to drown in him. I wanted to forget about Emeria, to make him forget. I was tired of fighting the truth, fighting for my sanity. I wanted to give in, to indulge my irrational and insane feelings for him.
“Grace, I’m sorry you’re upset. Please tell me you haven’t allowed LJ to come between us.” He waited for confirmation either way that came when the tears fell. “Grace.” Gavin wiped the tears but they kept coming. His touch made me even sadder. “Grace, please. I have something for you.” He sounded as tired as I felt. “You should get some rest.” He said it as if I could sleep off the tremendous sadness that had taken over my body. “I just wanted to give you one more birthday gift and say goodnight. Okay? One more surprise, then I’m going and we can talk tomorrow if you like.” His voice was softer, like that first night I’d spent there, so comforting. But there was something else too. It felt like fear.
“Yes.” What more could I say? I’d wanted to hit him, and he’d come to give me a birthday present. Gavin opened the door to my suite, and the minute I saw the inside, I screamed like a complete nutjob. I’d almost forgotten what had me so upset in the first place. The cherubs, Cerin, and the remaining Lesser Angels on the floor came running. I guess they’d never heard a human screaming from happiness before.
The suite had been completely redecorated in my favorite colors and fabrics. I barely knew how to respond—aside from the screaming and squeeing—to Gavin’s thoughtfulness and generosity. It reminded me of that scene in The Princess Diaries when Mia sees her closet for the first time.
Gavin stood with a self-conscious smile. The seriousness in his eyes did not match the smile still on his beautiful face. His eyes were piercing as he searched my face for what my mind refused him. I couldn’t let him see the ugliness within me—the jealousy and rage caused by the relationship he’d had with my sister. He’d already seen too much.
Remi’s words came to mind: “I sometimes forget how human you are.” It hurt to hear it again. I’d never measure up.
“There is one more gift,” Gavin announced, as if more gifts would change things, would change me. Then he placed his hand around my waist and his body against mine. I hated how being close to him affected me.
“I didn’t come here to have gifts heaped upon me. I appreciate it, but Gavin, this isn’t at all what I wanted or … expected.”
Gavin stopped me from speaking with his mouth, kissing me slowly and softly, like he was asking for permission first. A harder kiss, then