Before I can stop the words, they escape. “Why are you being nice to me?”
He shrugs, unslinging his rifle and standing back up. “Giving rookies shit is part of how I was brought up. But you keep going. This takes guts on your part, and maybe each ration of shit you take, each step you make and don’t give up makes me like you a tiny bit more.”
“Thanks, I guess,” I reply, standing up and taking a deep drink of water. “So even if I have a meltdown?”
“Everyone melts. It’s getting up when you’ve cracked that counts for guts,” Caleb says. “Though I still don’t trust you.”
I’m not surprised he doesn’t trust me because to be honest, I’ve done very little to inspire trust as far as he’s concerned. He doesn’t know about Nathan’s and my conversations, all the little ways we’ve connected and come to trust each other.
Unless Nathan told him, and while I get the sense they’re close brothers, I don’t know that they’d share that. But with Nathan leaving me, any trust Caleb might’ve fostered for me has to be smashed to smithereens.
If Nathan didn’t trust me to come, I can’t believe Caleb does.
“Guts on my part? What about on your part? This is some pretty gutsy shit, I’d say.” I gesture around to the trees, and even to myself, acknowledging that I realize I’m a risk he’s taking too.
He smirks, a big shit-eating grin splitting his face. “But I live for this shit. This is where I shine. Everything’s going to hell in a handbasket? I’m the guy you want on your team because when it’s dire, I’m the secret weapon.”
I laugh. His cockiness is coated in humor, but there’s an underlying truth to the words that puts me at ease.
Up ahead, Miguel clears his throat, pointedly interrupting us. “Hermano is two hours ahead of us still. We need to go before dark.”
Miguel looks around at the wildness around us, and I’m not sure if the fear I see in his eyes is because there are animals to be afraid of or men who’ve become monsters from living out here in the untamed jungle.
Chapter 33
Nathan
Morning coffee was hours ago and I can feel my feet sweating in my boots. In some ways, I feel better than I have in years. I may dress in a suit and tie most days, but I’m no stranger to roughing it, and waking up this morning, getting out of the hammock, and gearing up, I felt like I was coming back to my real home.
The hike brings back all sorts of memories of missions, most of them with Caleb, though we rarely worked in jungle environments like this. Not when the majority of mercenary work in the world involves sand, mountains, and at a minimum, a working knowledge of Arabic.
I wipe the sweat from my brow, oddly relieved that it’s simply salt water, not a gritty mixture of sweat and sand dust. Another difference was that the desert, with its expanse of sand and dunes, provided a good view for miles. Too many rookies took a false sense of security from those vistas that no enemies lurked nearby.
Here in the jungle, though, I feel eyes on me from every angle. I know that everything here is trying to kill me, and it’s putting me on edge. Perhaps I should have taken Caleb up on his offer to come with me.
Offer? As if his insistence was a mere suggestion. He’s been my ‘battle buddy’ for years, and I know that his not having my back this time burns him up.
But he doesn’t understand. Yes, I wanted to do this myself because I wanted to prevent him from getting caught up in it. But also . . . I wanted to make sure he would be there for Emma.
I know that sounds strange, even to my own ears. The only reason I’d managed to get him to stay behind was because he wanted to see the moment of realization in Emma’s eyes that I’d left her.
He’s a bit ruthless sometimes, but he’s my brother.
I know that he’s got my best interests at heart. So even if it hurts her, and me, he’ll make sure she stays safe, far away from the stupid shit I’ve gotten myself into.
I can only pray that he’s not too cruel. I truly didn’t want to hurt her, but this is more than I can ask of someone. Her or Caleb. They’re the two most important people