my hormones cloud my decisions. Patience was a beautiful girl and I wanted nothing more than to feel her all over me, but she was untainted and I didn’t want to be the one to contaminate her.
I let my hand slip back down to the safe zone and then I softly patted her knee. As hard as it was, I lifted my hand from her skin and wrapped it around the steering wheel. At the next light I came to, I put on my blinker and headed straight for her house. The trip to her house felt like an eternity. I’d never denied myself a woman when I wanted her and being shut up in this cramped car with her was hell. I didn’t think I’d ever get her out of my car.
When I pulled up to the curb around the corner from her house, I put the car in park and turned to her.
“Tonight was fun. It’s been a while since I got to kick some ass at rummy.” I chuckled.
“Um… you’re delusional. I totally won all but three games. Also, you should know, I let you win those three.” She grinned at me.
I laughed out loud at that one. “You let me win, huh?”
Her smile dropped and she looked away. “I let you do a lot of things.”
“You do? Like what?”
She reached her hand across the seat to mine. I let her slip her fingers in between mine and then I tightened my fingers around hers. She held my hand and rubbed circles on my palm with her thumb.
“Like this.” She looked up at me and the side of her mouth tilted up.
“Okay, you let me hold your hand? What’s the big deal with holding hands?” My brows puckered in confusion.
“I don’t let anyone touch me.” She looked away. “Ever.”
Her words had some deeper meaning behind them. It was such a small moment, but I could sense the fact that her confession was huge. Suddenly, I felt privileged. Something as small as holding a girl’s hand felt enormous.
“Why not?” I asked.
I had a feeling I knew the answer. I’d seen the bruise on her eye and I was positive her dad hit her occasionally. Maybe it had something to do with that.
“I just don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“But you’re okay with me touching you? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why not? You’re a nice guy, Zeke. I’m not sure what it is about you, but I trust you. I feel comfortable with you and I know you’d never do anything to make me uncomfortable.” She shrugged.
“You’re the worst judge of character, snowflake. You’d never make it where I come from.” I shook my head.
“Are you saying I’m wrong about you being a good guy?”
“I’m saying that the entire time we were at Finn’s place all I could think about was getting you alone and having sex with you. Does that sound like something a nice guy thinks about?”
“All guys think about sex, but you didn’t really try anything. Instead, you brought me straight home. What does that say about you? I think it says you’re a nice, respectable guy.”
She was wrong. I wasn’t a nice guy. I was me and I wasn’t good enough to be around her, much less inside of her. I knew that and I think she knew that, but there was no way in hell I’d admit that to her. Instead, I cocked my head back and laughed it off like I did when I got uncomfortable with a conversation.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, baby.”
Then she was there, right beside me, staring me in my face, and the car felt too small. She reached up and pushed my long bangs out of my face with her finger. She ran that finger down the side of my face and it felt like I was being touched in the pit of my stomach. I bit down on my lip ring and she traced my bottom lip with her finger once I released it. It was too much. I’d never had a girl explore me this way and I wasn’t sure if I hated it or loved it. Then she looked me in my eyes and smiled.
“You can hide in there all you want, but I can still see you.”
I didn’t say anything as she scooted back over to the car door, popped it open, and then jumped out to jog home.
It wasn’t until I was almost home that I realized she was right. I