Play With Me - Brittany Cournoyer Page 0,74

stalked closer to him.

“There you are. Want to tell me what that was all about?” I asked when he just looked at me but didn’t speak.

“There’s nothing to tell,” he answered and closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the brick.

His answer and posture told me he just wanted me to drop the subject, but I couldn’t. Not when his behavior told me there was so much more going on, and insecurities I chose to ignore decided to make themselves known.

“It didn’t look like nothing. Who was that?”

Stellan sighed and pushed off the building. “I need to get back in there.”

“Stellan,” I argued, “will you please just talk to me?”

With a growl he turned to face me, and my eyes widened at the anger in his eyes. Was it directed at me or was his mind still back there with that man?

“What do you want me to tell you, Foster? That before you I dated a man who was straight, just like you, and he used me to satisfy his curiosity? And once that itch was scratched, he left me to go marry a woman? Is that what you wanted to hear? Or would you like to hear that my heart got broken in the process and now I’m waiting for you to do the same thing? Because that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it? Once you get your fill with me, you’ll move on to someone else, won’t you?”

His words might as well have been replaced by a punch to the stomach, because that’s what it felt like. My breath got knocked out of me, and I stumbled backward at the force of his venomous words. My high hopes and excitement from signing my lease and telling my parents drained from me as quickly as the blood left my face, and a wave of nausea hit me as the ground beneath my feet began to spin.

I couldn’t believe what I’d heard, and when I opened my mouth to finally speak, I couldn’t stop the words that tumbled out.

“Fuck you, Stellan, and fuck that guy, and fuck your assumptions. The fact you’d think I’d ever do that to you after what we’ve shared shows just how little you think of me. And to think I told my parents about you. And to think…to think I was actually falling in love with you.”

I choked on the last word, and I turned so fast I nearly fell flat on my face. I needed to get the fuck out of there. The day had been such an emotional roller coaster, filled with highs, lows, fear, and hope, and I just wanted off the fucking ride. But I refused to break down in front of him. The breakdown I deserved could wait until I was back in my crummy apartment.

As I ran to my car, I could hear Stellan calling my name, but I refused to stop. I didn’t want to listen to him or hear his excuses. I just wanted to get home, curl into a fetal position as I sobbed until I couldn’t produce anymore tears, then sob some more.

Even breaking up with Jennifer, the woman I was planning to spend the rest of my life with, didn’t produce such an emotional reaction from me. And as I blindly drove home, as I tried to see through my tears, the harsh reality hit me. I wasn’t falling for Stellan; I already had. And now my heart was shattered into so many pieces I wasn’t sure it’d ever be repaired.

The runaway train had finally crashed, and the impact was more painful than I’d ever thought possible.

26

Stellan

I had my evening all planned out. I would play my ass off at the bar, then play with Foster’s ass once the gig was over. My anxiety had been a bit higher than usual that night, but when I finally saw him seated at the bar, I had hopes that I would feel centered again. That wasn’t the case, and I couldn’t put my finger on why.

After getting mobbed by a flock of patrons who wanted a few seconds of the band’s time during our break, I was waiting for Foster to return from the bathroom. But while I was standing there, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and my skin prickled. An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach, and then I heard a voice from my past I never wanted to hear for the rest of my life.

“Stellan?” I