.' He made it sound as if he were clearing his throat. 'These are the chemicals I spend my life taking out of my products. What you wrap your food in, wash in, dress in, the paper you write on. I make them environmentally friendly by taking the wretched . . .' - he gesticulated with his stubby fingers and screwed up his face as if performing on the stage - 'wretched chemicals out of them. What the 'ell am 1 supposed to do with them now? Governments, you run your nuclear power stations and you bury all your nuclear waste, but that's not good enough for businessmen. We shall no longer be allowed to bury the by-products, or simply burn them, or dispose of them deep in the ocean. Those bastardi in Brussels even want to stop me exporting them to store in the deserts of the Third World, no matter that the people of those countries are starving and are in desperate need for the income. Africans will starve, Italians will starve, my family will starve. It is madness!' He took a huge draught of champagne, emptying the glass.
'Forgive me, Signor Mondelli, but aren't all your competitors in the same position?'
'My competitors are mainly German. They 'ave the Deutsch-marks for such 'uge investments to dispose of the chemicals 'ow the bureaucrats want. I do not. It is a conspiracy by the Germans to force the competition out of business.'
'So why come to me? Why not your own Government?'
'Oh, Mr Akat, do you not know Italian politics? My Government will not 'elp because they 'ave done a deal with the Germans over the wine lake. Italian farmers to carry on producing subsidized wine which nobody wants, in exchange for the new regulations on chemical dumping. There are three 'undred thousand Italian wine producers and only one Mondelli. You are a politician, you know 'ow such numbers add up.'
Mondelli refrained from adding that he had complicated matters notoriously by running off with a young television actress from Naples while still married to the sister of the Italian Minister of Finance. He was now greeted in Rome with as much warmth as a coachload of English soccer fans.
'Very sad, Signor Mondelli, I feel for you. But surely this is an Italian matter.'
'It is a European matter, Signor Akat. The bureaucrats act in the name of Europe. They overstretch themselves. And you and the British are well known for being the best and most strong opponents of interfering bureaucrats in Brussels. So I ask you, for consideration. For 'elp. Stop the directive. The Environment Commissioner in Brussels. 'E is English. Your friend, eh?'
'You might say that . . .'
'A nice man - a little weak, perhaps. Too easily led astray by 'is officials. But nice.'
'You might say that, too . . .'
'I understand 'e wishes you to reappoint 'im when 'is term of office expires. 'E will listen to you.' It was true, of course, every word.
'You might conclude that, Signor Mondelli, but I couldn't possibly comment.'
'Prime Minister, I could not describe 'ow grateful 1 would be.'
This was not accurate. Urquhart knew from his Party Chairman that Mondelli had described precisely how grateful he wished to be. He had suggested one hundred thousand pounds, paid to party funds. 'In recognition of a great internationalist', as he had put it. Stamper had thought himself very skilful in bringing such a prize to the party; Urquhart was about to disillusion him.
'I'm afraid I cannot help you, Signor Mondelli.'
'Ah, your British sense of 'umour.' He did not sound as if he appreciated it.
Urquhart's expression suggested he'd been weaned on pickles. 'Your personal problems are really something for the Italian authorities to sort out. You must understand that.'
'I will be ruined . ..'
'A great pity.'
'But I thought . . .' The Italian threw a beseeching look at Stamper, who shrugged his shoulders. 'I thought you could 'elp me.'
'I cannot help you, Signor Mondelli, not as an Italian citizen. Not directly.'
Mondelli was tearing at his black tie and his eyes seemed to bulge still further in consternation.
'However, in the serious circumstances perhaps I can share something with you. The British Government, too, is unenthusiastic about the Brussels proposals. In our own interest, you understand. If it were left entirely up to me, I would veto the whole scheme.' The orchestra were beginning to reassemble in the pit, and a buzz of expectation began to rise around the opera house.
'Unfortunately,' Urquhart continued, 'this is one of but a