before his palm smacked down on the table. 'But don't worry. I've recovered!'
Urquhart laughed that conspiratorial laugh once more, while Stamper could only manage a tight smile as he waited for the reminiscing to stop and for his fate to be pronounced.
'To business, Tim. There's much to be done and I shall want you, as always, right by my side.'
Stamper's smile broadened.
'You're going to be my Party Chairman.'
The smile rapidly disappeared. Stamper couldn't hide his confusion and disappointment.
'Don't worry, we'll find you some ministerial sinecure to get you a seat around the Cabinet table - Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster or some such nonsense. But for the moment I want your mittens firmly on the Party machine.'
Stamper's jaw was working furiously, trying to marshal his arguments. 'But it's been scarcely six months since the last election, and a long haul before the next one. Three, maybe four years. Counting paper clips and sorting out squabbles amongst local constituency chairmen is scarcely my strong suit, Francis. You should know that after what we've been through together.' It was an appeal to their old friendship.
'Think it through, Tim. We've a parliamentary majority of twenty-two and a party that's been torn apart by the recent leadership battle. And we are just about to get a beating from a swine of a recession. We're no better than even in the opinion polls and our majority won't last three or four years. We'll be shot to pieces at every by-election we face and we've only to lose fewer than a dozen seats before this Government is dead. Unless, that is, you can guarantee me no by-elections, that you've found some magic means of ensuring none of our esteemed colleagues will be caught canvassing in a brothel, misappropriating church funds or simply succumbing to senility and excessive old age?'
'Doesn't sound like a lot of fun for a Party Chairman, either.'
'Tim, the next couple of years are going to be hell, and we probably don't have a sufficient majority to survive long enough for us to get through the recession. If it's painful for the Party Chairman it'll be bloody agony for the Prime Minister.'
Stamper was silent, unconvinced, unsure what to say. His excitement and dreams of a few moments before had suddenly frayed.
'Our futures can be measured almost in moments,' Urquhart continued. 'We'll get a small boost in popularity because of my honeymoon period while people give me the benefit of their doubt. That will last no longer than March.'
'You're very precise about that.'
'Indeed I am. For in March there has to be a Budget. It'll be a bastard. We let everything rip in the markets to get us through the last election campaign and the day of judgement for that little lot is just around the corner. We borrowed off Peter to buy off Paul, now we have to go back to pick the pockets of them both. They're not going to care for it.' He paused, blinking rapidly as he ordered his thoughts. 'That's not all. We'll take a beating from Brunei.' 'What?'
'The Sultan of that tiny oil-infested state is a great Anglophile and one of the world's most substantial holders of sterling. A loyal friend. Unfortunately not only does he know what a mess we're in but he's also got his own problems. So he's going to unload some of his sterling - at least three billion worth sloshing around the markets like orphans in search of a home. That'll crucify the currency and stretch the recession on for probably another year. For old time's sake he says he'll sell only as and when we suggest. So long as it's before the next Budget.'
Stamper found difficulty in swallowing, his mouth had run dry.
Urquhart began to laugh but without the slightest hint of humour. 'And there's more, Tim, there's more! To top it all the Attorney General's office has quietly let it be known that the trial of Sir Jasper Harrod will begin immediately after Easter. Which is March the twenty-fourth, to save you looking it up. What do you know of Sir Jasper?'
'Only what most people know, I guess. Self-made mega-millionaire, chairman of the country's biggest computer-leasing operation. Does a lot of work with Government departments and local authorities, and has got himself accused of paying substantial backhanders all over the place to keep hold of his contracts. Big into charities, I seem to remember, which is why he got his "K".'
'He got his knighthood, Tim, because he was one of the