together like that. I promise you, from the moment you came into my life, everything that I had going on with her stopped. I’ve not even spoken to her since that first day in the hardware store. To be completely honest, she hasn’t even been a thought on my radar. It’s only been you and the girls,” I tell her, feeling my desperation begin to cripple me. I run my fingers through the front of my hair, not sure how I can take her pain away. “Please, Angel. Please, just hear me out.”
I watch her face as her eyes flick back and forth between my eyes. She takes in my face, and that’s when I finally let her see it all, my complete and utter desperation. I can’t lose her.
I’m emotionally exhausted, but not just from everything Jessa has dumped on me. It’s the anxiety of feeling like I’ve lost my woman, from not being near her, feeling her, loving her. All I know is that if she closes that door and shuts me out, she’ll be shutting the door on us. It’s now or never. I have to get this right.
“Okay, Bull. You can come in. I think we both need to do this,” Amelia agrees before stepping through the open door.
Following her inside, I find myself standing there, not knowing exactly what to do with myself. I feel like I’ve run a marathon just getting to this point. Now that I’m finally in here, in her space, all I want to do is pull her into my arms, throw her over my shoulder, and not leave her bed unless it’s time to pick up our girls.
I watch her as she walks over to the kitchen counter and drops her keys and bag down. She makes her way right over to the sink and braces her hands in front of her as her head falls forward in defeat. Amelia keeps her back to me the whole time, and all I can do is watch her agony.
It’s one of the first times in my life that I feel at a complete loss as to how to handle this situation. Usually, I’m the one taking charge, but not this time. This time, I am completely out of my element and terrified of making the wrong move.
The sound of her gentle sobs break through my thoughts and that’s all it takes to have my feet moving in across the kitchen.
“Baby, please don’t cry,” I say as I pull her into my arms, her back to my front.
I didn’t expect her to let me hold her like this, but I’m not one to let this opportunity slide. Amelia turns around and buries her head into my chest before completely breaking down in my arms, absolutely crushing my soul.
How could I allow it to get this bad? This is how it should have been all week, us together trying to work this shit out. I should never have let it get this far, but I felt that if I pushed too hard or too soon, I’d lose her for good.
“Angel, please,” I beg, slowly running my hands up and down her arms. “You’re breaking my heart.”
I feel her fingers tighten on my shirt before loosening her grip and taking a step away from me. My arms fall away like dead weights, devastated not to have her skin on mine. When I look into her eyes, I see that fucking wall I had managed to pull down firmly back in place.
Fuck.
Amelia walks over to the coffee machine and turns it on before grabbing two cups from the cupboard above her head. “Coffee?” she murmurs, glancing up at me as she walks over to grab the carton of milk from the fridge.
All I can do is nod. I’d just about let her do anything to me right now if it lets me stay exactly where I am with her just that little bit longer.
Amelia goes about making our coffee, and it gives me a chance to get a look at her, a real good look at her.
I have been here every single day, only getting a small glimpse of her when she was walking to the house or when she was busy trying to not make eye contact with me. I never got a good look at her while she held on tight to the girls and poked her head through the door, asking me to leave. So now, really seeing her, I realize just how