I might find happiness again out of all this pain.
You’ve always been the girl worth fighting for, and one day, I know I’ll be fighting for you.
I’ll call you when I land.
Your best friend who will always be thinking of you,
Josh.
Chapter 7
Club Seil
~ ~ ~
Clint wasn’t surprised when I turned him down again for another evening out with the Lappell. Being part of the New York chapter, as well as working for Harkin and Partners, made it mandatory for Clint to attend all meetings, mixers and social activities. Kyser Harkin was the president of the New York chapter of the Lappell and was, as it turned out, also Clint’s boss who had secured Clint his job in New York. Clint originally thought he had found himself a job that was set apart from the Lappell, thinking he could make his mark on his own from his family name and the Lappell’s influence, but he soon discovered after we arrived, he had walked straight into their fold. He had considered leaving them to try his luck with another business, but with their eyes set on Clint, he knew he would be turned away from all other companies, so for the time being, he felt he was stuck. I tried to see the bright side for Clint and told him these social activities should be considered a perk. It was some fun mixed with business, but Clint always shook his head, saying that he would much rather be home with me than at random clubs and restaurants. He was always sweet like that.
I did, with all my heart, want to wholly trust him, but now, because of a stupid piece of paper, the seed of doubt was planted in my mind. Tonight I was about to go out and surprise Clint to see if I could catch him doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Even wearing slick black pants and a sequined designer halter top, my long black hair cascading down my back, with a fresh-faced complexion and smoky eyes, looking all done up - I still felt really really dirty. “This is not me,” I said to myself. “I’m not the type of girl to spy on her boyfriend.” I started to untie my halter top as I stood in the middle of my bedroom, but then stopped and sighed. Yes, the idea was ridiculous. Yes, the idea would probably lead to nothing, but I needed to do something. I couldn’t keep on wondering about that fucking note. It was doing more harm than good to our relationship. My heart was being led astray and not towards the direction of Clint.
I re-adjusted my halter top back to its rightful position, and slipped on my silver Louboutins. I needed answers and I was out of possibilities for what that note could mean. I had come up with a million different ideas, all from my far-fetched hyper-imagination, with nothing seeming to fit with Clint’s personality and actions. It all felt like a lost cause, a dead-end, but I knew I needed to do this, even if it just helped my peace of mind.
I stepped into the hallway outside the apartment and closed the door. I bargained with my conscience that if I found nothing of substance tonight, I would forget about the stupid note and get on with my life with Clint. He was so sure about me, and he had a big shiny rock in his sock drawer to prove it. I needed to get my head straight and stop obsessing about what could be and go with what I knew. He deserved more than this, especially given my behavior the other morning. I was still feeling guilty about my dangerous flirting with Josh. Going on a spy mission directed at Clint was sending my guilt level far and beyond what I could deal with. I was starting not to feel like my old self. I was becoming all different shades of strange and acting more and more like the type of girl I hated. I didn’t want to be so paranoid and insecure. I needed to fix this so-called problem, and stop flailing about with all these mixed emotions.
Josh had given me very specific instructions about getting into Club Seil. Seil? Seil? What kind of name is that?
Club Seil was situated between Fifth and Madison Avenues, only a few blocks away from our apartment. I took a cab and got out just past the club, trying my best to