I groaned thinking of the twenty-four gifts I had received over the past two months ranging from flowers, concert tickets, chocolates, books and now jewelry. I just looked at Josh with a face that said, ‘Please don’t ask me for details’. I walked over to the kitchen, put the earrings on the counter, then returned back to the couch and sat, staring at the floor.
“Lots and lots of gifts Josh, and it’s causing the worst possible fights between me and Clint.”
Josh remained standing on the other side of the room. “Why don’t you just tell Samuel to stop? I’m sure you could arrange to see him if you really wanted to.”
My head flicked up and I couldn’t help but glare at Josh. He sounded just like Clint when he said it, and perhaps it was because of all the frustration built up inside me or that no one was seeing it from my side, but I began to get very emotional.
“Because I can’t see or talk to Samuel. Because if I do, he will be severely hurt. My father gave me a final warning. He is still my friend. It would kill me inside. Why does no-one understand that!” My voice cracked as I poured out my frustration to Josh, and unexpected tears began to fall from my eyes.
“Oh my God Norah, I’m so sorry.” Josh walked over, grabbed my hands, and pulled me against his chest. “Of course I understand why you can’t do anything. You care so much for the people in your life. You don’t want anyone to be hurt because of your Dad. I see why this would be such a stressful situation. I’m sorry you are caught between a rock and a hard place.” I nodded into Josh’s shirt, my tears staining the cotton fabric. Josh kept talking to me, trying to soothe my state. “I wish I could help you Norah, I wish I could take this pain and anguish away for you.” His hand began rubbing my back as I steadied the flow of frantic emotions inside me. I stopped crying and looked at Josh.
“I wish you could help me, but just having someone understand is really what I need right now. You always understand Josh.” The way I said that felt off this time. Normally when I thanked Josh for his support, it felt like I was thanking a member of my family, but now, it was like I was comparing Josh to Clint, feeling more of the weight of his actions. I was seeing it as romantic rather than just friendly.
I buried myself in Josh’s chest again, and began inhaling the scent of his cologne as we hugged some more. Josh didn’t seem to mind, he only encouraged me to hold on tighter. Finally, as my distress eased, my sensibility returned, and I pushed away from Josh. He looked at me as if to say, “come back,” but I kept my distance.
Josh looked over to Samuel’s gift on the kitchen counter, and then back to me. “Let’s deal with one problem at a time, OK Nor? Now let me go over what you’ll need to do tomorrow night at Club Seil, which reminds me, you are going to need a pass.”
Pass?
Chapter 6
The Past
~ ~ ~
Dear Norah,
If you are reading this, you’ve probably gone straight home from seeing me off at the airport and to your bedroom, so you can sit in the darkness and listen to your music. I wanted you to read this after I left, which is why I put it under your iPod in your room.
Firstly - I miss you already. Since we’ve been thirteen, I don’t recall a week without seeing your face or hearing your voice. It’s going to be extremely hard for me not being around you. I’m already having massive withdrawals as I write this to you, knowing I’ll be in the air, and not within walking distance of your home. There is a sadness in that realization I wish I could truly convey to you.
I know I left very abruptly after my parents’ funeral, but I couldn’t bear to be in New York a moment longer. I needed to leave, and rather than wait until next week for orientation, I decided to go early and get settled into McLaren University. I hope you understand my decision to leave. I do regret leaving you all alone in the city with your Dad, and everything around him. I know what you live