Unknown to my brain, my body’s natural response was to walk forward and grab onto Josh’s T-shirt, winding it up into my fist, and pulling his body up against me. “I know, everything about sexual appetites Joshua.” Josh looked down to where I was fisting his shirt, holding his chest close to mine. He pushed up against me, almost grinding up onto my body.
He looked at me with a burn in his eyes that was suddenly confident as he lifted his hand to my face. “Do you, my sweet, beautiful, Norah?” Josh’s hand swept past my cheek and I suddenly felt myself enjoying his touch. My eyes closing and then opening as his hand moved over my skin.
Why does that feel so good?
Josh saw my reaction and then moved his hand so he touched my lips with his thumb, running it along my bottom lip. My own lips parted slightly and my tongue lightly touched his finger. Both our bodies leaned even closer towards one another as the sexual tension reached breaking point. There was no thinking, it was all bodily action as something we used to completely ignore in the past, became magnetized. It was like I was in some kind of erotic dream, but it was real and it was happening and it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Holy mother of fuck! What am I doing?
“I’d hate to interrupt this little moment...”
Both of our bodies flinched as Josh and I swung our heads back towards the front door where Melanie was lingering in the doorway, watching us. I let go of Josh’s T-shirt instantly and took three steps away from him. Melanie’s reappearance gave me a huge jolt out of the surreal dream I had slipped into.
“I forgot my purse,” Melanie said, eyeing me carefully. She walked back into the apartment and over to the sofa where her black clutch was sitting.
Josh walked over to Melanie and grabbed her elbow, showing her back out the door, for the second time. “OK, OK, Josh. Don’t get huffy!” Melanie sounded really pissed off as Josh eagerly helped her out once again.
I took a minute to compose my rational thoughts that had obviously left my body since I walked into this place. Were the months I had not seen Josh now just all coming to a head? I had no idea what was sitting under the surface of my skin. I was certain that my heart was now with Clint, but perhaps I was being ignorant about what else was going on inside me. There was a small tiny piece of paper back at our apartment that prevented me from giving my whole entire heart to Clint. That piece of paper had allowed doubt to grow, and had also allowed other thoughts and feelings to build inside me too. Feelings I was obviously ignoring or pretending were not there.
This was too dangerous now. I had to leave before I did something I would regret.
“Josh, I came here because I wanted to talk to you about something rather important, but now I don’t think it’s a good idea. I need to go. We’ll talk, uh, maybe later. OK. Sorry again for showing up like this. Next time I will call.” I looked at the floor as I spoke, avoiding Josh’s eyes. I didn’t want to look at them for fear I might not actually leave. Now that I was aware that there were some undetermined feelings that had been roused by Josh, I couldn’t be there a moment longer. It was way too risky.
“Norah...” Josh reached out to take my hand, but I sideswiped his touch and headed for the door, not looking back at Josh as I fled from his apartment and that unexpected moment that could have ended my relationship with Clint.
Stepping onto the sidewalk, I was suddenly hit with the worst possible thing. Guilt. So much guilt slapping my face and tearing me down. It then punched me where it hurt the most, my heart. I tried to hurry my legs and get back to my apartment as quickly as I could. I needed to try and remove these feelings. I needed to get some clarity and perspective about what just happened, and I needed to fix the fight Clint and I had that morning. I reached into my bag, grabbed my cell and dialed Clint’s number. He picked it up after two rings.