Persie Merlin and the Door to Nowhere by Bella Forrest Page 0,19
but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t use anything they considered ammunition against me. I didn’t want to be an outcast forever, especially not here, where I’d hoped I’d belong.
Genie shook her head at an awkward angle. “No, it’s just me. Don’t worry, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
So why do I feel like it’s my dirty little open secret? This was part of me now, and I knew there’d come a time when I had to own it, but I doubted I’d make peace with it anytime soon. With an ability so chaotic and haphazard, how could I? It flat-out refused to let me enjoy one good thing in my life. First my birthday, and now my orientation day.
“I… hate it,” I rasped, as tears sprang to my blurry eyes. “I… hate… it!” I held onto Genie with every ounce of strength I could muster, focusing on the faint lines that crisscrossed her fingers and the chipped varnish on her nails. Anything to keep me anchored in this storm.
“I know you do. I’m sorry I can’t take it away from you or find someone else who can.” Genie’s breath hitched and I saw tears shining in her eyes, too. “But you’re tough as heck, Persie. You can shove this sucker down and show it who’s boss. This is your power, and that means you run the show.”
My tears splashed onto the polished concrete floor.
“I can’t… even breathe,” I muttered, trying to follow Genie’s rhythm. Five seconds in, hold for five, then five seconds out.
She peered up at me. “Can I use some Chaos on you?”
“It can’t… make it worse.” Famous last words, but I was desperate.
A shivering white tendril, hair-thin and barely perceptible, slithered out of her without the need for any hand commands. The glowing thread slipped between my lips and traveled down into my chest. The Air expanded my lungs, and a loud gasp erupted from my throat as I took a genuine breath. After calming down, I realized I’d caused this attack myself. I’d been holding my breath the entire time, panicking like a drowning person, intent on reserving whatever oxygen I had left—a survival tactic that could’ve gone seriously awry if I’d held on a few more minutes.
“That’s it, you gulp down that tasty, tasty air.” Genie smiled widely as my body remembered what it was supposed to be doing. I unlocked the vise that had clamped around my ribcage and drew in breath after breath, letting the adrenaline and anxiety drain from me. The melting world returned to solidity, and my swimming vision cleared.
I laughed like a loon. “It wasn’t a Purge!”
“No?” Genie didn’t sound convinced, but I knew the difference. If this had been an oncoming Purge, the lingering need to expel would still be inside me—a perennial nausea in the pit of my stomach, like those tarry slugs that I’d coughed out in my dream.
“I think I was just overwhelmed. A panic attack, or something,” I replied, my manic laughter subsiding.
“You’ve been through a lot.” Genie rose to her feet and sat next to me on the bench. “It’s only natural that your body wants to go into protective mode. After all this, it probably thinks you’re under constant attack.”
“I couldn’t have put it better,” I agreed. “I’ve been waiting and waiting for my next Purge, and I’ve been waiting for Leviathan to make a move, and I keep thinking someone’s going to comment on me being dangerous. I guess all the stress was bound to take its toll at some point.”
I had Genie, but I didn’t have the rest of my support system within easy reach. I’d come to a brand-new place to follow my own path, with the shadow of my “gift” looming over me. And the transition had been anything but smooth. The joy of finding out I would be studying here had been marred by the news that I was no longer welcome in my own home and couldn’t even go back to fetch my things. Sure, I had big hopes for the future, fueled by a furnace of determination, but I couldn’t quash the idea that all of this would somehow blow up in my face. This morning’s dream hadn’t helped matters, amplifying my worst fears. Since arriving at the Institute, I’d tried to seem okay on the outside so I didn’t stand out as the perpetually nervous weirdo who might blast out a monster at any moment. But, on the inside, mayhem reigned supreme. To say