Perfection - Kitty Thomas Page 0,55

little rabbit,” Morgan says, reinforcing this impression.

I drop my bag on the floor and my keys on the counter. My hands are shaking. My gaze drifts to the giant windows. A ballet barre has been set up there.

“Go to the barre,” Sebastian says.

But I don't go to the barre. Instead, I pace back and forth like a caged animal. The tears come then. “Please... I can't.” I glance up to find Sebastian raising an eyebrow at this pronouncement.

“You can't go to the barre? That's an odd issue for a ballerina.”

“I can't do this!” I shout.

“Morgan, get the cane.”

Morgan pushes off the wall to follow this instruction.

For the second time in this penthouse, I crumple to my knees. I can't think of anything else to do but beg for mercy that isn't coming.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sebastian says. “We've been doing this shit for months, and you've seemed happy enough to obey.”

“It's different now.” I can't explain it, but the spell is broken. The shift away from the opera house, the loss of mystery, the loss of the safety of the blindfold and the certainty that I must obey, that I can't negotiate, that it's safe to accept the pleasure because I have no choice. Now it feels like I have choices, even though I don't think I really do. I'm not sure anymore.

How can I make this choice without the blindfold and the secrets? How can I choose not just one man, but two? It feels so wrong to give myself to two men. It feels as though the secret they kept from me has broken some sacred bond that I thought was just me and Sebastian.

“Fucking Frederick,” Morgan says. He's returned with the cane. He passes it to Sebastian, and I tense.

If Frederick hadn't gotten hurt backstage, Sebastian's hand wouldn't have been forced. He wouldn't have had to choose to save both me and his ballet by joining me on stage. If I'd had any thought that he might have orchestrated that reveal, that he wanted me to see him, I was wrong.

“You didn't plan to ever let me see you, or to know about Morgan, did you?” I ask.

“No,” Sebastian says. “You were never going to see us, but I was working toward introducing you to the idea that there were two of us.”

I'm sobbing now. “I want it back. I don't know how to get it back. I can't let myself...” I don't know how to say these things inside me. They aren't the only ones angry with Frederick. I'm angry, too.

Everything was perfect.

I jump when the cane clatters on the floor, and then Sebastian is beside me. He pulls me into his arms. He frees my hair from the bun and smooths his fingers through it. “Shhh, you're safe.”

I only cry harder. I wanted him to say those words last week... so badly. I know they're true—at least to an extent. These past few days in my own house have at least given me that perspective.

“We won't report you to the police as long as you don't report us,” Sebastian says. “We wouldn't harm you like that. But you belong to us. You know that, right, Cassia? We won't let you go.”

Morgan sits on the ground on the other side of me and starts stroking my back. “Just give in to us,” he says.

“You said you'd report me. You said it recently!” I say to Sebastian, trying to ignore Morgan's soothing touch. The million ways I've been betrayed by this man... by both of them... I can't...

Sebastian sighs. “I know what I said. Everything felt out of control.”

Yes. That's it. Everything is out of control. How do I get it back?

“Undress,” Sebastian says. He and Morgan help me stand.

I hesitate. I want to do this. I want things to go back, but I don't know how to make this choice. I don't know how to let myself do this. Then Morgan is behind me, tying the blindfold around my eyes.

“Undress,” Sebastian says again. He's moved a few feet away from me. I hear the distance in his voice.

Suddenly, I’m back in the opera house. Everything is normal again. Cello music begins to play out of the sound system, and I take off my outer layer of clothes. I stand there, now in leotard and tights, hesitating.

“Undress. It's the final time I'm telling you. You're already getting a punishment for your resistance.”

I peel the leotard and tights off.

“Good girl,” Sebastian says. “Now kneel for