style by The Rock, as soon as she had learned to walk again without wanting to vomit, she had started volunteering at the hospital. And it had somehow turned out to be as much for her as it was for the patients. It was surprising how much you could get out of a few games of Monopoly, Sudoku and the latest real-life stories from That’s Life! when you had nothing better to do than mope and miss your sister.
But the very best thing Keeley had got from her afternoons at the hospital was her friendship with Erica. They’d first met on the cancer ward when Erica had started going through treatment. On suggesting that Erica might like to play Scrabble, Keeley had been subjected to all the sass until Erica had decided it ‘might be cool, man’ if they turned it into a drinking game. Thankfully, as Erica was having radiotherapy and chemotherapy, it hadn’t involved shots of alcohol. But the forfeit had been that the loser was made to shell out on the expensive hot chocolates from the canteen. Their friendship had – surprisingly in some respects, when neither of them were in the most ordinary of situations – blossomed. There was something about Erica’s gung-ho spirit that reminded Keeley of Bea. There Erica had been, with the worst prognosis being levelled at her with every new check-up, still believing in recovery, still full of fight and endless determination.
Week after week, Erica was back in for more treatment – sometimes too sick to even sit up in bed let alone play board games – but in between times, Keeley continued their relationship outside the hospital walls, making sure Erica had everything she needed for home and a professional support package at hand if she needed it. But now, only months down the line, here they were. The hospice. Keeley was now volunteering at the place that had cared for her Grandma Joan and it was now going to be the place where her life-loving friend Erica, at just twenty-two was going to spend the last of her days. But, despite that truth, Erica still had that streak of badass. Keeley felt it was the mark of true bravery – not the winning of the battle, but the knowing how hard you fought.
‘Trust me, man. I’m holding out. But if they serve me another meal of liquidised cat food, I might have to give in. At least at the care home you can nick a meal from the person next to you if you don’t like the smell of yours. In a room on your own here it’s a bit like solitary in jail or, you know, self-isolating.’
‘Have you been in solitary in jail?’ Keeley asked with a wry grin. ‘Because if you have you’ve neglected to tell me a thing about it.’
‘I’ve got a TV, man! I watch all the shows about all the things that aren’t this place!’ Erica began to cough, her breaths raspy and mucus-filled. Keeley put a hand on her back and gently rubbed until the coughing subsided and Erica’s frail body eased back onto the pillows.
‘That wasn’t the fucking cancer,’ Erica insisted. ‘That was the fucking caramel.’
Keeley smiled. ‘How are you feeling today? Apart from being short-changed on meals?’
‘Dying, aren’t I?’ Erica shrugged. ‘The church came in today. They all looked at me like they were sizing me up for my coffin.’
‘Erica, I’m sure they didn’t.’
‘They didn’t look at me like I was Erica,’ she answered. ‘They looked at me like I was just a worn-out body waiting to fade out the exit door. They looked at me like the “me” was gone already.’
Keeley reached for her hand, but Erica drew hers away. In some ways she knew exactly how Erica felt. Some days it felt like some of the original Keeley had disappeared along with Bea. Like the broken parts of her that had been supposed to heal, mend or be replaced, hadn’t quite grown new skin, or weren’t working properly.
‘Don’t give me none of that sympathy handholding bollocks, man. You know I hate that. Don’t be as bad as them.’
‘Sorry,’ Keeley replied.
‘You’re the only one that doesn’t treat me like a corpse round here. Even back when we first met, you would come in with your stories about your shitty life and, I still don’t know if you’re making them up for my benefit or not, but they made me laugh and they made me feel… and when you’re stuck in a