American! So New York! My cheeks flushed as I held the phone tightly in my hand. It was as if I was scared the opportunity would slip away.
‘Hi. Yes, it is. Please call me Roz,’ I replied, forgetting my earlier decision to keep things formal.
‘Nice to speak to you, Roz. I hope I haven’t disturbed you.’ I could hear the smile in her voice, and it made me smile too.
‘No, not at all. It’s great to hear from you, too.’ I chewed my inner lip, unsure what to say. ‘I’m sorry . . .’ I exhaled the breath I was holding. ‘This is all new to me and I’m a bit nervous.’
‘Me too,’ she chuckled. ‘But it’s better to chat in person than by email, don’t you think? I’m sorry I haven’t given you my real name just yet. I hope you understand.’
‘Sure, no worries. And I won’t breathe a word. Not that I have anyone to tell.’ I coloured at the lie as I heard the front door of our flat slam; Dympna and Seamus had just left. But as far as Julie was concerned, I was estranged from my family and living on my own. She was not the only one with a lot to lose if this got out. The line fell quiet and I sensed she was gearing up to something.
‘It’s just that . . . ’ She paused, her accent strong but crisp down the line. ‘Well . . . we hope to raise the baby as our own. Would that be a problem for you?’
My mouth dropped open at her directness and I felt a pang of gratitude that we weren’t on Skype. She wasn’t just talking about adoption. They wanted to pass the baby off as their own. That’s why there was so much onus on secrecy, why nobody else could know. Would she wear a pretend bump? Keep me hidden from the world?
‘Of course, we’d keep a medical record of the donor’s background in case of future health issues. We would tell the child when the time was right, but nobody else would know, and it’s unlikely they would seek you out.’
‘That suits me fine,’ I replied. ‘I’d rather not have future contact. I don’t want him or her getting confused.’
‘I’m so pleased to hear it.’ Her relief was audible. We were on the same page. ‘If things work out, we would need you to live with us before you show. We have a basement luxury apartment so you would have complete privacy. We have a full medical team, and it would be a home birth.’
‘Home birth?’ I echoed, my eyes widening as I imagined myself lying on a beanbag in some New York flat.
‘Don’t sound so scared,’ she laughed. ‘You’d have access to all the drugs you need, as well as one of New York’s best ob-gyns. If there were any complications, you’d be whisked away for a hospital birth.’ She paused. ‘I’m just getting the deal-breakers out of the way before we progress.’
I nodded into the phone, my mouth dry. I was gagging for a cup of tea, but didn’t want to move in case Dympna hadn’t really left.
‘That all sounds OK,’ I said.
‘What about you? Any must-haves?’
I smiled as I imagined relaying the conditions of six months’ supply of H?agen-Dazs and a subscription to Netflix.
‘I’d like to go to church at some point,’ I said, which was a great fat lie. But I had told them I was a practising Catholic and I needed to follow it through. ‘But mostly . . . a secure and happy home for the baby.’
‘Of course. And financially, we’re as secure as you can get. Our child would have a private education, the best healthcare money can buy and entry into one of the top universities in America.’
‘I thought that was down to results.’ I switched the phone and rubbed my right earlobe, which was red and sore from pressing my mobile hard against it.
‘Honey, this baby will have great results, but a huge donation pretty much guarantees the best spot in class.’ Her breath ruffled the line. ‘Anyway, listen to me, running away with myself. The most important thing is love. Our baby will have a childhood, too. Our son is an absolute delight. We’re pretty inspirational parents. We’ve worked hard to make our dreams come true.’
I thought about my life in comparison. I couldn’t even keep down a cleaning job. I cast an eye over the many pictures I’d drawn that