“I would be, if I were you. It’s okay to be nervous. You’ll do great. It’ll be great. You’ve been playing live for years.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“But you’re not excited either?”
I shrugged again, movement by the big staircase drawing my attention. Leo was walking down the stairs, taking them slowly, a frown on his face.
I sat up straighter, wondering what had happened to make Mona yell and if she was truly okay, or hurt and hiding it, or what?
Stop thinking about her.
“I’m ambivalent about—” I paused, sighed, frowned “—about it,” I finally answered.
Kaitlyn made a snorting noise, and then said, “Scoff.”
I cut my eyes to her. “Did you just say, ‘Scoff’?”
“Yes. Scoff-scoffety-scoff-scoff. You are crazypants, Abram Fletcher. I know what ambivalent means. How can you be uncertain about the tour? You have the number one song in the country—”
“No. We have the number one song in the country.”
“You know what I mean, it’s your song.”
“No.” I turned to face her. “It’s our song.”
“It’s our musical composition, but they’re all your words. It’s seventy-five percent your song, at least. And the rules of scientific digits mean that it’s your song. But that’s beside the point. As I was saying, you have the number one song in the country, and two others climbing the charts. That’s a BFD.”
I let her claim—that it was seventy-five percent my song—go, even though it wasn’t true. Most of the words were mine, true. But Kaitlyn had helped me fine-tune the lyrics. Her vocabulary was crazy, which made sense. She had this game, where she’d chant synonyms, when she was nervous.
“By BFD, you mean big fucking deal?” I smiled at my friend, lifting my eyebrows.
Kaitlyn hated curse words, which was why I usually never cussed in front of her. But I did enjoy teasing her for this peculiarity in her personality from time to time.
She wrinkled her nose, right on cue. “No. By BFD, I mean a beautiful fantastic delight.”
“Suuure.” I crossed my arms, my eyelids dropping.
She mimicked my pose and expression. “Look, all I’m saying is that you are winning at winning. You’re in Aspen. At DJ Tang and Exotica’s mansion with your awesome friends and bandmates. You’re about to go on a world tour with said bandmates. Your songs are everywhere. You have everything you’ve ever wanted.”