My stomach sank.
“Gaw! You’re infuriating!” Allyn huffed.
Poe, seemingly nodding at his own thoughts, pressed his lips together and turned for the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he left.
“Say something!” my friend urged. “Don’t just let him go!”
Another flash of Abram clouded my vision, this time he was kneeling in front of me in the dark, his hands on my knees, worry etched into his forehead. Are you okay?
Before I could fully experience the ache, I shoved the image away and cleared my throat, calling out without allowing myself to think, “Hey Poe.”
I stopped tracing the envelope in my pocket. It was time to move on. In fact, it was past time. Really and truly. Abram had disappeared over a year ago. I needed to let him go.
Poe paused, his hand on the door frame, and then turned. His expression was free of everything but mild curiosity.
“How about Hawaii for spring break?” I asked, the question sounding awkward and amiss to my ears. And my heart.
His eyes narrowed. “You’re in Europe all next semester.”
“Yes.”
“You’re going to fly back from Europe? All the way to Hawaii, just for spring break?”
I hesitated, because he had a point. I hadn’t considered whether going to Hawaii for a week would even be possible, given my commitments in Geneva. Poe’s gaze moved over my face, like he was searching for something, a sign, a tell. I held my breath, clearing my features of expression.
Eventually, he bestowed upon me one of his small, patient smiles. “Okay, Mona. Whatever you say. See you in a week.”
“See you in a week,” I croaked, managing a smile for him in return, even though I felt embarrassed by my clumsy, sudden, and logistically unsound suggestion. Embarrassed and wrong and sad and anxious.
Giving me a slight nod, Poe turned and left. Reaching my hand in my pocket, I gripped the envelope, squeezing it, and breathed out, or at least I tried to. The ache in my chest had returned full force. Yes, I needed to move on. Yes, I’d been behaving irrationally for over two years, holding on to the possibility of an impossibility. But no, I shouldn’t use Poe to move on.
I felt like an ass.
Meanwhile, Allyn squealed in my ear, “Yay! Hawaii with Poe! Of course, I’ll find a reason not to go so you two can—”
“Calm down, Allyn. It’s probably not going to happen.” Releasing the letter, I lifted my fingers and rubbed my sternum, so ready for this vacation. So ready for quiet and calm and peace.