I spent the rest of that night showering him with so much attention it would fill his tank for a while. I was exhausted by the time I tucked him into bed. Mom met me in the hall.
“Let’s take a walk,” she said.
“I’d love to, Mom, but I’m exhausted. I’m falling asleep on my feet.”
“That’s because Dash ran you ragged all night. It’ll only take a minute, then you’ll have plenty of time to sleep,” she said as she pulled me along.
We stepped out into the cool night air. It even smelled better up here. I felt immediately invigorated. She linked her arm with mine. “So, how are you feeling, Pea? Really?”
I shrugged. “Intimidated. Excited. Scared,” I admitted.
“About the baby?” she asked softly.
My eyes shot to hers. “What?”
She exhaled heavily. “When I got pregnant with Fern, I thought I was going to die. Seriously, I thought it was the flu, or malaria, or something just as wretched. I was sick from sun-up to sundown. Couldn’t keep anything down, even water. I passed out on a bus and missed my stop. When they finally took me to the doctor, I remember staring at her like she’d grown another head. Pregnant? How could I be pregnant? I was on the pill. I had the same look that has been on your face all night. I saw it every time I looked in the mirror.”
“Baloney. Fern told you,” I surmised.
She chuckled. “Actually, you just did. I wasn’t sure before, but when I realized you hadn’t drunk any wine at dinner, it was plain as day. Since when did my daughter say no to wine?” I looked down at the path we were walking. “How far along?”
“Almost seven weeks,” I finally said.
She nodded. “And how does that fit in to all your other plans?”
“It doesn’t,” I admitted openly. “I’ve been thinking about all these choices they say I have. I can’t give it up for adoption, because I just don’t think I can. If I go all the way to the end, I’m in it. I must be. But if I keep it, I lose the job with The Duke. I won’t be able to keep my job at Headliner Pulse, which means I’ll lose both my income and my insurance. What kind of life could I offer a baby then? That just leaves abortion. If I terminate the pregnancy in the next week or so, everything can go back to normal.”
“Can it?” she asked softly.
“No,” I admitted. “Everything has changed.”
“Exactly. That’s why I think you should do what you really want to do. The universe will provide a way to support you.”
“The universe is pointing me to an abortion clinic,” I retorted.
She laughed. “I will support you in whatever you want to do,” she said, squeezing my arm. “But I know you, Pea. Better than you know yourself. And I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. Especially for something as temporary as money.”
“You just want a grandbaby,” I accused playfully, making her laugh.
“I think I’ll make a great Mimi,” she said. Of course, Sunny McPhee couldn’t go by Grandma. And I doubted sincerely she’d go for Old Mother. “But this isn’t about me, honey. It’s about you.”
“You said Fern was a surprise. Were you ever tempted?”
“Of course,” she said. “I’ve been marching for a woman’s right to choose since I was fifteen. But that doesn’t mean I was marching for abortion. I was marching for every woman to do what is right for herself when she’s in this situation. And yes, maybe this time around it’s best for you and your future to terminate this pregnancy. You weren’t planning for it. I’m assuming the father’s not in the picture.”
I made a face as I shook my head. I said nothing. Aside from Fern, that was a secret I planned on taking to my grave.
“Then do what you have to do,” she permitted. She turned me to face her, taking both of my hands in hers. “Just be sure.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
She scoffed. “Oh, it’s not easy. The minute that test comes back positive, life has changed. Nothing that comes after is easy. Let me ask you this. In a perfect world, what would you do?”
I sighed as we continued walking. “I thought for a bit that I could do it, you know? That I could hide the pregnancy from The Duke, write the interview, earn the paycheck. Nobody