the song ends, I jump into a split and then slide into a bravura. The song cuts out, and my deep breaths take over me, tears pouring down my face. It was the first time I’ve danced in slippers since before my parents died. Now that I’ve done it, it feels like clarity. Like a dark cloud has cracked open to allow light through. My mind struggled for years to wear my slippers again, and now that I have, I don’t want to take them off.
“That was beautiful,” a small voice says, and I jump, turning around to face where it came from. The little girl from a couple weeks ago stands there in a long-sleeved cotton sundress and a small leather jacket.
“Hi!” I whisper, unsure on how to approach her. The last time I tried to talk with her, her father had a hernia. “Your name is Ariana, right?”
She nods, bringing her fingers to her front. “Papa says that you were cursed, but that you’re free now.”
I freeze, swallowing. Kneeling down to her level, I smile. “Well, at least it’s lifted now, right?”
Her little face lights up as she nods. “Can we still be friends?”
I chuckle. “I thought you’d never ask.” My phone starts vibrating in my hand and I watch as she waves. “I’ll see you later, friend!”
“Okay,” I whisper. Swiping my phone to answer it, I bring it to my ear. “Hey!”
Richard sighs. “When are you coming home, pumpkin?” His voice shocks me, but I exhale, relieved to have someone familiar and away from this world.
I chuckle. “I’ll come home for a visit sooner than you think.” A thought pops into my head. “Actually, hopefully sooner than I think.”
“To work?” I can hear the question in his tone even though he knows the answer already.
I blow out a breath of air. “Is it too late to hand in my resignation?”
“It’s a strip club, Dove. You don’t need that.” I flinch at that name.
“There’s so much I have to tell you, but my name is actually Perse.”
Silence.
“So Dove was your stripper name?”
I laugh out loud, my hand coming to my mouth.
“Girl, stop laughing at me. I can’t spank your ass when you’re all the way over the fuck wherever you are.”
“I’m,” my chest tightens, “a little bit away. I’ll give you a call tonight with more details, ’kay?”
He grunts, which is Richard’s way of saying yes. He could write an entire dictionary and translations from grunts to meanings.
Hanging up the phone, I decide to seek out Delila to help me find my recruits. I want to throw myself into dance and my act, and build what I know and what takes away the pain. Pain. Picking up my hoodie, I head back to The Brothers’ RV and get started on packing up my things. It’s funny now that I have my memories back how I know the simplest things that I didn’t know before, like The Brothers of Arms emblem, or the “weird star” I once called it. Each point signifies the suburbs in Kiznitch, and the thick lines that make up the star represent the generations of blood. One day I hope to go back there, maybe learn about my heritage, but right now, I need to move into my RV.
“I think that’s everything, which isn’t much, but you know…”
Rose laughs, picking up one of my boxes and making her way out in front of me. “Have you seen your RV yet? It’s fucking red. As in your hair.”
“I’ve seen the outside.” And it’s hard not to since it’s right behind the boys’ RV. Too close for my liking, but at least I’m out of their hair. I haven’t seen King in days, or any of the boys. It’s as though after that night, they’ve all gone ghost. I feel sick to my stomach about everything that has happened, but at the pit of my stomach holds mine and King’s bond. The organic love I have for him. I know I somewhat miss them all to an extent, but I can’t get past the taste of betrayal that King has left in my mouth after his final lick of defeat.
The memories are good. I welcome them, but what I don’t, and what I wasn’t prepared for, was the emotion that came with them. Memories aren’t like photographs. You can’t just flip over them and admire their vivid detail. You have to inhale the same air, embrace the same feelings, and whiff the same scent.