The Pass (Smart Jocks #5) - Rebecca Jenshak Page 0,48
Better late than never.”
“For what it’s worth, she knows how much you care about her. I think she even knows how much you regret two years ago.”
“I know she doesn’t need five dates to prove that I want her. She’s told me many times, but I want it to be perfect for her. I want to make up for everything I should have done. Two years…” I rarely let myself go down the what could have been road because it ends with this pit in my stomach full of disgust and remorse. “I could have kept her from dating a whole slew of douchebags, shielded her from the pain each time things didn’t work. I could have made her happy.”
“Regret is a funny thing. It often makes us do things for all the wrong reasons, chase ideals that don’t matter, and all for ourselves. Regret is selfish.”
“What are you saying?”
“She just wants you, man. She doesn’t care about the regrets you have. She has her own and the only thing they have in common is that you want to be together now. Nothing either of you do now is going to change the past.” He claps me on the shoulder before we catch up to Sydney and Ollie.
“Are you ready?” Jonah asks Ollie. He motions with his head to the parking lot. “I thought we could go by The Cove and catch last call.”
“Now? We’re just about to order.”
Jonah laughs. “I think we’ve crashed enough of this date. Come on, I’ll buy you a beer.”
With a sigh, Ollie steps out of line. “Baller date three, Shaw. I would have definitely put out.”
“Thanks, man. It was fun.” I wrap both arms around Sydney’s waist from behind. “See you guys later.”
At the counter, she orders a vanilla cone and I get mint chocolate chip in a bowl. Circular tables are set up on the far side of the building, and I lead Sydney to one of the unoccupied ones. We sit side by side eating in silence. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, but the wind blows the blonde strands into my face.
“Sorry,” she says as she takes the end and twirls it around in her fist and holding it to the other side as she continues to lick the sweet dessert in her other hand.
The number of times I’ve thought about fisting her hair just like that are far too many to count. I’d like to kick myself for not doing it years ago. How different might the last two years have been if I had?
“What?” Sydney asks.
I realize I’m staring at her while lost in my thoughts. I don’t want to bring the night down with talk of the past, though.
“What are your plans for after graduation?”
“I don’t know. I’d like to do something with volleyball, maybe coach a youth team or even just volunteer. The volleyball coach at my old high school is retiring after this year. They’ve all but offered me the job, but I can’t see myself there.”
I can’t picture her there either. I can’t picture her anywhere but with me, wherever I am.
“Where do you see yourself?” I ask.
“I’m not sure. I like the city but being close to the beach would be nice. Maybe traveling. I like the idea of jumping around a bit, seeing the world.”
“I can picture you doing that.”
She lifts one shoulder in a small shrug. “Well, it isn’t exactly a plan, but I’ll have a degree in graphic design and I can do that almost anywhere. There are a lot of contract and remote jobs so I could live wherever I want. What about you? Have you decided yet?”
“No. I promised myself I wouldn’t spend the summer obsessing about it and that’s been pretty easy with you here. Am I crazy if I want to continue to do both sports?” She’s the only person I’ve really asked their opinion. Everyone else has asked mine, given me advice, but not Sydney, she’s made it clear that she’ll support me no matter what, but she’s never told me what she thinks I should do.
“Is that what you want?”
“Yeah, of course. That’s always been my dream, but actually pulling it off?” I push my ice cream around with the spoon.
“If anyone can do it, it’s you. You’re incredible.”
I don’t voice my other concern that has absolutely nothing to do with getting drafted by two pro sports. How am I going to do that and have Sydney by my side? Or any girl