The Pagan Stone Page 0,60

beside the tub when Layla brought in the tea tray.

"That was really fast, like superpower fast."

"Gage brought it up. Cal made it, so it's probably just fine. Honey, there's whiskey here. Do you want it in the tea?"

"Oh yeah. Thanks. God." Shifting up, Cybil squeezed her burning eyes, breathed through the threatening flood of tears. "No, no, done with that."

"Maybe not." Layla doctored the tea. "I have a moment every now and again. It's okay. We're allowed."

With a nod, Cybil accepted the tea. "It wasn't the pain, though, oh Jesus, nothing's ever hurt like that. It was feeling it in me, pounding and pushing, and not being able to stop it, or fight it. It was the boy. Why is that worse? That it made me see the boy while it-" She broke off, made herself drink the spiked tea.

"It's a kind of torture, isn't it? A kind of physical and psychological torture designed to break us down." Quinn brushed a hand over Cybil's hair. "We won't be broken."

"No, we won't." She held out a hand, and in a gesture that mirrored the one made in the kitchen, Quinn took it, and Layla closed hers over theirs. "We won't break."

She dressed, and took some comfort in grooming. She wouldn't break, Cybil vowed, nor would she look like a victim. When she stepped out of the bedroom she heard the murmur of voices from the office. Not yet, she thought. Not quite ready for that. She moved quietly past, and down the stairs. Maybe after another ocean or two of tea.

In the kitchen she took the kettle to the sink and saw Gage outside, alone. Her first inclination was to back away, to slink away into some dark corner and hide. And the urge both surprised and embarrassed her. In defense, she took the opposite tact, and went outside.

He turned, stared at her. In his eyes she saw the rage and the ruin.

"Absolutely nothing I can say would sound remotely right. I thought you might want me to take off, but I didn't want to leave until I was sure you... What?" he said in disgust. "I don't have a clue what."

She considered for a moment. "You're not far wrong. I guess a part of me hoped you'd be gone so I didn't have to talk about this now."

"You don't have to."

"I don't like that part of me," she continued. "So let's just get this done. It came at me, the attack that's a woman's nightmare. The big fear. It made me feel that violation, and the helplessness. That horror that drove Hester Deale mad."

"I should've gone after it."

"And left me? Would you, could you leave me when I was completely defenseless, completely terrorized? I couldn't stop it; that's not my fault. You got me away, and getting away made it stop. You defended me when I couldn't defend myself. Thank you."

"I'm not looking for-"

"I know you're not," she interrupted. "I probably wouldn't feel as grateful if you were. Gage, if either of us feel guilty about what happened, it wins a kind of victory. So let's don't."

"Okay."

But he would, for a while yet anyway, she realized. A man would. This man would. Maybe she could do something to soothe them both. "Would it complicate our straightforward and mature relationship if you just held on to me for a minute?"

He put his arms around her with the wary caution of a man handling thin and priceless crystal. But when she sighed, laid her head on his shoulder, it was he who broke. His hold tightened. "Christ, Cybil. Good Christ."

"When we destroy it." She spoke clearly now, steadily now. "If it comes in a form with a dick, I will personally castrate it."

His grip tightened again, and he kissed her hair. Complicated, he realized, didn't begin to cover whatever was going on inside him. But right at that moment, he didn't give a damn.

TO AVOID HAVING EVERYONE TIPTOEING AROUND her, Cybil voted for work. The small second-floor office might've been cramped with six people inside, but she had to admit, it felt safe.

"Gage found what may be another pattern dealing with locations," she began, "that springs off the one we talked about before. We can look at them as hot spots and safe zones. The bowling center. While that was the location of the first known infection and violence and has seen other incidents, it's never sustained any damage. No fires, no vandalism. Right?"

Cal nodded. "Not really. Some fights, but most of