OWNED & UNTAMED (Back Down Devil MC #11) - London Casey Page 0,17
obviously noticing I had been staring. “Look.”
He pulled his jeans up even more.
“Christ, man,” I said.
I couldn’t tell him I was sorry. That would only add to the tension. We didn’t want to hear that shit. We didn’t want to hear that it was going to be okay. That anyone was sorry.
“Again, Duke, go fuck yourself.”
Jim walked to the kitchen and kept going. He exited the back door and slammed it shut. I held up the whiskey bottle and shook it. There was still plenty left in it.
So I took a drink.
What the fuck was I really doing there?
**
I saw Belle standing in the hallway, arms crossed. There wasn’t much light on her, but I could see the stress in her eyes. I was a nightmare to her. I used to be her dream.
“How’d that go?” she asked.
“Don’t worry, sweetie, we’re just warming up.”
I took two steps toward the door when she called my name in a shaky voice. I looked back and she was closer to me.
“Thank you, Duke,” she said. “For coming up here tonight. I was terrified when I found him passed out. And throwing up. He has these pills… for pain… and I’m so afraid he’s going…”
“Easy, Belle,” I said. “I told you before, you’re too beautiful to cry.”
Christ, I needed to check myself.
Going back in time was not going to help anything.
I went to the back door and found Jim sitting on the back steps outside.
I sat down next to him and looked out to the dark yard. First thing I saw was a big ass tree on its side. I thought for a second it was cut down but then I saw the massive roots sticking up like a million skinny fingers.
“What’s with the tree?” I asked.
Jim scoffed. “Fucking thing fell in a storm. Belle wants me to cut it up. Firewood.”
“Yeah? What’s taking so long?”
Jim looked at me. He curled his lip. “Asshole.”
“What?” I asked. “If you don’t want to do it, call for help.”
“I don’t need any help,” Jim said. “Not for the fucking tree. And certainly not from you. Jesus Christ, Duke. Where the fuck did you come from?”
I bounced the whiskey bottle off his arm. “Have a drink with me, brother. For old times. Then I’ll talk.”
Jim threw the bottle back and smacked his lips after taking a very hefty drink.
“Talk,” he growled.
“I heard about everything,” I said. “I got a fucking medal for what happened. People shaking my goddamn hand. Telling me I was some kind of hero. They fucking had the fire trucks out and shit for me. Like a goddamn parade. But I couldn’t get that scene out of my head. What you said to me. What all happened. I lost my edge, Jim. That’s truth. I figured you would recover, no matter what. You had Big Jim on your side. Shit, I wished that man was my father. And your sister. You had her. I didn’t want to come crashing into your lives with my stuff. Fuck, listen to me. I sound like a fucking bitch right now.”
I stopped talking. I wasn’t going to sit there and throw excuses around.
So then there was silence for a little bit.
We passed the bottle back and forth.
Then Jim asked, “How’d the MC thing happen?”
“Brotherhood,” I said. “Long story. Saved me.”
“Can’t ride with one leg, huh?” Jim asked.
“You could do anything you want,” I said. “But you don’t need me to tell you that. You’re choosing this right now. You’re choosing hell.”
“I went to hell and it never left me.”
“We all did.” I paused. “You saved two men’s lives. They have families now. They’re happy. Healthy.”
Jim looked at me. “I couldn’t get to Bill.”
I felt my heart starting to race. I didn’t like to do this share your war story bullshit. I gritted my teeth. Rage filled up inside me. I had to stand up. I wanted to take an ax to that fallen tree. No. A gun.
“Sometimes I imagine if I did…”
I spun around and grabbed the bottle of whiskey from Jim’s hand. I cracked it against the railing, breaking it. It was just like at the clubhouse with Cash. My hand wrapped tight around Jim’s shirt and I put him against the steps.
I looked at the bottle and let it go.
“You want to do it?” I growled. “Is that what you really want? Get rid of the demons? Huh? I have a gun with me, Jim. Take a walk. Meet your maker.”