he looked up to see everyone looking at him. “I don’t want to be who I was. I want to be someone better, I want to be sober, I want to play hockey, I want to be happy, and I want to love and be loved by her. I know she’ll make me a better person, the person I want to be. That person wants to sit here a year from now, looking at the new guy the way you guys do, like they won’t make it but hoping that they’ll prove me wrong. And, believe me, I’m gonna prove all of you wrong.”
Everyone smiled as Bethany nodded. “And we hope you do. I’m just saying I don’t want you to do something that could trigger a setback.”
“Anything could trigger a setback. And I’m sorry, but I’m gonna live my life and I’m gonna keep fighting this addiction I have,” he said and she nodded.
“And I want you to, but I also want you to be realistic about this. Know going in that you are doing it because you love her and want to be with her. Not because you are looking for a distraction from your addiction.”
Jordie glared. “I have loved this girl a long time; I just fought it because I didn’t think I could be the man she needs. In the last couple months, I’ve changed and I actually love me.”
“That’s what we want, Jordie. But just keep in mind, don’t replace one addiction with another.”
He understood where she was coming from, but he didn’t think of Kacey that way. He was addicted to her, but in a good way. In a healthy way. He wouldn’t use her and then throw her away. He wanted to love her for the rest of her life.
“Back to the comment you made, let me ask you something though. Did you know that everyone in this room had a slipup during their first year?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“All of us, even me, but you know what? We got right back up, and we tried again. So yes, live your life, but I am here to coach you, to warn you of what could happen. I was you. I thought after coming out of rehab, I’d be great for my husband and all would be good. I’d get pregnant and we’d be happy. I had a miscarriage, got drunk, hid it from him, got drunk again, and he found out and divorced me. So just remember, you have to fix you, she can’t.”
Jordie nodded.
“But always remember, you can’t change the past, Jordie. You can only make your future what you want. You have to make the decisions that will better your life.”
“And Kacey is one of them because I won’t have the future I want if I don’t have her.”
He’d never spoken truer words.
But he wanted to speak them to her.
He just hoped she gave him the chance to.
When they were done with the meeting, Jordie was heading toward the door when Phil, one of the other members, stopped him. He was a tall man, a pro football player who Jordie had known for a while. “Hey, man, what you said tonight, it really touched me. I’ve just been existing, scared I’m gonna relapse at every second. I keep forgetting to live.”
“Yeah, it’s a hard balance,” Jordie agreed, shaking his hand. “But these groups are here for a reason.”
“For sure, but man, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t look at you like you are gonna fail. I look at you like you’re gonna make it. If anyone could do it, it’s you.”
He then pulled Jordie into a manly hug, slapping his back. “Stay strong, bro,” he said and he waved at Karl before walking away.
“He’s right,” Karl said and Jordie looked back at him.
“I know, I just have to fight for it,” Jordie said before pushing the door open and heading out with Karl on his tail.
“Yeah, and you will. You have a great support system.”
“I do. Hoping to add your daughter to the top of the list,” he said with a grin before going outside. Once in the sunlight, Jordie took in a long breath. It was the moment of truth. It only took six minutes to get to El Bracero from the church where the meeting was held. He had planned to walk but then remembered that he had Karl with him.
“You okay?” Karl asked and Jordie nodded, glancing at his watch. He wasn’t supposed to