seemed a lot different than she had been when Kacey left before the weekend, but still. She was in no way, shape, or form in any place to try to talk about feelings. Kacey was probably really wrong for saying that to Lacey too and needed to apologize, but for now, she’d lie alone with her thoughts. Trying to come to terms with how she was going to handle tomorrow and the rest of the season.
A part of her considered quitting, but that would be giving Jordie more power over her. She couldn’t let that happen. He already had so much. She needed to take it back, but she was unsure how.
How did you stop loving someone?
Even if they were toxic for you.
When she heard the strum of a guitar, her head popped up in surprise since it was coming from Mena’s room. She was supposed to be sleeping; Lacey had put her down hours ago. She glanced at the time to be sure and she was right, so what the hell was going on? Standing up, she opened her door and looked down the hall. Lacey was at the door, the music louder now, and soon Kacey was closing the distance between them to see what she was looking at. Before she could reach the doorway though, Lacey turned, stilling her with a look before pressing her finger to her mouth in a quieting motion.
Perplexed, she looked past Lacey to see Jordie standing beside the crib, a guitar in his arms as he played with ease. She didn’t know he could play. How did she not know that? His eyes were closed as he softly sang “You Are My Sunshine” in what was honestly the sweetest way she had ever heard. It was so rustic, his voice blending so beautifully with the music he was making with the strums of his fingers. From where she was standing, she could see Mena Jane through the crib rails and she was just watching Jordie in awe.
Kacey was sure she matched her niece at the moment.
“He has done this for the last two nights. Mena loves it. She gets so quiet and just watches him,” Lacey whispered to Kacey, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off the sight before her. Something inside her just broke because that was supposed to be his baby he was singing to. She would have been due right around the same time as Lacey. They would have had a new little girl or boy of their own, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, they had heartbreak and rejection. Two things that ate Kacey alive daily. When her lip started to wobble, she looked down at the ground, sucking in a deep breath.
Unable to watch any longer, she turned, starting down the hall, but Lacey stopped her with a hand on her arm. “He really has changed.”
But Kacey shook her head. “No, that’s Jordie. He loves kids, he’s good with them, and he’s a damn good man. But he’ll never love me the way I love him. It isn’t in his DNA.”
Lacey went to say something, but Kacey stopped her. “Let it be, Lacey. I have to let go or I’ll continually set myself up to be hurt by him.”
She shook her arm from Lacey’s and started for her room. Slamming the door, her tears fell faster as she headed toward her bathroom. Looking in the mirror, her lip quivered at the sight of how pathetic she looked. She looked so heartbroken and defeated. Why did she allow him to hurt her like this?
Turning the water on, she leaned over the sink, her tears mixing with the water that was running as she pulled in shaky breaths. Reaching for the hand towel that rested next to the sink, she wet it before washing her face free of tears. Holding it there, she allowed herself to sob into the warmth of the towel, and she hated herself for imagining it being the warmth of Jordie’s arms. He honestly gave the best hugs. The kind of hug that you felt all the way in the depths of your soul. And boy, did it linger. She could still feel his arms around her, suffocating her in the most rewarding way. That was one of her favorite things about him.
His hugs.
But would she ever hug him again?
And why did she yearn to?
He doesn’t love you!
That alone had another round of tears filling the towel until she heard the door open. She sucked