When his phone sounded, he dug it out of his pocket, expecting it to be Lacey. But it was Natasha.
Natasha: Haven’t heard from you in a couple days? You good? How’s Mena Jane?
Ugh. Mena Jane.
Sucking in a breath, he laid the bottle down and closed his eyes. He said he wanted to be healthy for Mena Jane and Kacey, but then he was sitting here, a bottle in his hand, ready to ruin all the progress he had made. Hadn’t he just said that day that he liked being healthy? That he didn’t even miss drinking? That he couldn’t wait to show the man he had become to Kacey? Was he really ready to ruin that?
When he thought of Kacey balled up on the floor, their child dead inside of her, he felt as if he were drowning. He hated feeling like that. Despised it.
Then a tap came at the window and he looked over, his eyes wide when Elli Adler’s eyes bored into his. Her brow rose as she obviously waited for him to roll down the window. He was trying to figure out why she was there, but then he saw that she was holding bags of Chipotle. So he slowly rolled down the window, pushing the bottle off his lap into the seat. Praying the dark night would keep it hidden.
“Oh, hey, Elli.”
“Funny to see you here. Did you get Chipotle too? The kids wanted chicken nuggets and I didn’t, so I came on out and got me and Shea some Chipotle. I looked over and saw ya, came to say hi. Wanna come on by and eat with us?”
Even though the truck was on big tires, Elli’s signature heels gave her the height she needed to look him square in the eyes.
He swallowed loudly and shrugged. “Yeah, um—”
He paused when he saw her eyes dart to the seat beside him.
“Open the door, Jordie,” she demanded and he closed his eyes, letting his head hang. Not waiting for him, she reached through the open window and unlocked the door, pulling it open. Laying her bags at his feet, she surprised him when she gathered him in her arms. He went willingly. Burying his face in her neck, he drew in a breath through his nose and then blew it out of his mouth as she rubbed his back like the mother she was.
“What are you doing, Jordie?” she whispered.
But he just shrugged, unable to talk without sobbing like a child.
“I see the bottle. Did you drink it?”
He shook his head, still unable to look at her.
“Why? What happened?”
He squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms tighter around her. He was a second from saying nothing, but he knew that wouldn’t help. He had to be honest; he had to own up to his mistakes to fix them. But would Elli even care once she heard how weak he was?
Sitting up, he broke out of her hug and crossed his arms over his chest, swallowing his sob. “I’m not gonna make it,” he whispered. “You should just trade me and let me go ruin myself somewhere else, out of your sight.”
“No,” she said firmly. “Not gonna happen, because you are done ruining yourself.”
“Everything I try to do, everyone I love, I fuck over,” he breathed and she laced her fingers with his, pulling his attention to hers.
“Then stop. Don’t do it anymore. You know what you’ve done to hurt people, so don’t do it. Learn from your mistakes.”
Biting into his lip, he looked down before sucking in a breath. “She was pregnant with my baby and she lost it,” he whispered, and he heard the little intake of breath from Elli but didn’t dare to look up.
“Who?”
“Kacey.”
He finally looked up and her eyes were searching his. “But you never knew.”
“Nope, ’cause I ignored her. I cut off all ties because I couldn’t handle what I felt for her.”
She nodded slowly and then squeezed his hand. “Okay, how does that make you feel?”
He gave her a look and she shrugged. “What? Dr. Phil says that all the time.”
“Fucking hell,” he muttered before shaking his head. “I feel like shit. I feel like I failed her.”
“You did,” she said and he nodded. “But that was old Jordie. New Jordie needs to show her who he is, own up to his mistakes, and fix them.”
“I don’t deserve her though,” he admitted, but she set him with a look.