Overtime - Toni Aleo Page 0,199

up as he moved his hand along his forearm, flinching at the pain of the brand-new tattoo he had gotten the night before. Looking down, he grinned at the script that spelled out his daughter’s name before looking back up as he went on. “I told someone once that they couldn’t fix me, that I had to do it, and I am. Through this process, I’ve learned to not only love myself, but to love God, to trust in Him that I can do this. That I will beat this because I am strong and I have His light in my soul.” He paused, his heart so full of love as he watched Kacey wipe her face, before Karl wrapped his arms around her, kissing her temple. “My fiancée told me to never be ashamed of my story, my addiction, because telling it and owning up to it will inspire someone else. So here I stand, an alcoholic, a fiancé, a father, and I’m winning. Because each day I wake up farther away from the addiction and closer to the life I want. The life I am proud of. The life I love.” He paused again, choking on the emotion. “Here is to the next three hundred and sixty-five days. May they be full of happiness, but also hard times, because I want to grow; I don’t want this to be easy. I want to earn my win, and I will as long as I have that woman beside me through it all,” he said, pointing to Kacey. She hiccupped a sob as she leaned into her daddy and everyone clapped and aww’d for him. His chest was bursting with love for her, his forever, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her as she dissolved into tears next to her father. He wanted to rush to her, hug her, but he had to accept his chip. Then he’d love on her and make her feel exactly what he did. When Julie and Portia stood, coming toward him, they both hugged him tightly and he whispered thanks to both of them. They had both been such a big part of his recovery, and he was lucky to have them. When he’d asked what he could do to repay them, both of them said that his being healthy was their payment.

They were good women.

“Usually, we present you with your year chip, but I think Julie will agree with me when I say that Kacey should give it to you.”

Jordie grinned as he looked back at her, to urge her to come up, but she was already walking around the group, eager to give him his chip. Grinning, she took it from Portia and thanked both of them before looking up at him. Her heart was in her eyes, and it had been since the moment he had asked her to marry him. Had it been easy? No. Would it ever be? Hell no. But they would get through it together.

“Jordie Scott Thomas, you are the most amazing man, inside and out. I know you’ve quoted me a few times, but I want to quote you,” she said, her voice breaking as she gazed up at him. Their sweet baby girl was cuddled in her arms, small and perfect all wrapped in a purple Assassins blanket. “You said that the most amazing thing in life is finding someone who would love you for every flaw, every mistake, and every weakness. And while I do love you for all those things, I also love you for your strength, your tenacity, but most of all, your ability to love. You say I’ve changed your life, Jordie, but really, you’ve changed mine. And I couldn’t be prouder of you than I am at this very moment,” she said, big, wet tears rolling down her face as she slowly reached out, handing him his chip. “You deserve this.”

He took it in his hand and then snaked his arms around her, dropping his lips only a breath away from hers. “But I don’t deserve you.”

“But you got me,” she whispered, her eyes glittering with their future.

“And I won’t ever let you go.”

Because you don’t let go of your leading scorer in overtime—that would be stupid. Jordie Thomas was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid when it came to the game. In the last year, he’d found his life was one big game—sometimes winning, sometimes losing, always fighting for the chance to score, and each day bettering himself in order to win. Everyone needed that one person to help them win.

And Kacey was his MVP.

It’s not a secret that I battle depression, or even that I’ve battled addiction. Mine being in the form of food. Have I won? No. Will I? I hope so.

All I have is my hope and faith that I can be the person I want to be.

I miss my mom—that’s very well-known—and this may be very personal, but this book was my way of giving her her happily ever after. My mother was an alcoholic; she battled depression and her sickness with alcohol until the moment her liver gave out. She was fifty-three years old. I was only twenty-nine. Losing your mother is not an easy thing, I know that. But when my mom lost her mom to cancer back when I was seventeen, she shut down, she stopped being the mother I knew and turned into this person that I didn’t like much. Now, she cleaned up so many times but fell back just as quickly. But no matter what, she loved me. She loved me so hard it hurt and she loved my babies. That’s the stuff I remember. Not the screaming and begging for her to be my mom, not the smashing of bottles on the pavement to keep her from drinking. No, it was that when she looked at me, I knew she loved me. Even at the end, I knew I was my mom’s world.

I just wasn’t enough to clean up for.

And that’s where a lot of my depression and my addiction to food have come into play. I’ve always loved food—I mean, who doesn’t?—but it really was a sickness. Until one day, I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I couldn’t do what my mom did to me. I couldn’t put my husband and children through the pain that I was feeling because I didn’t want to be healthy. I had to stop. And I did, but it’s a battle. A battle that I fight every day and will continue to fight, not only for myself, but for my babies and my husband.

Now, I know you’re sitting there thinking why the hell is she sharing this personal stuff with me, so let me explain. If I can touch one person, help one person to clean up their ways and be the person they want to be, then, damn it, I’m doing what I set out to do. This book is my healing. My HEART and SOUL are in each word on these pages. Especially when Jordie is talking. This is how I wanted my mom’s story to play out. To clean up and be happy. Since she didn’t get that on this earth with me, Jordie will. And I know she’s in Heaven, smiling, saying, “That’s my baby.”

So please, if you need help, get it. My message box is always open, and I’m not shy. I’m an open book and I’m proud of my struggles, my triumphs, my failures, and my success. I work hard for what I want, and most of all, I depend on my faith. You can too. You can do it. I know you can.

For anyone who has helped me along the way, I thank you. I couldn’t do anything without you. But this section isn’t about thanking you. It’s honestly about thanking my mom. Because without watching her story, I wouldn’t have changed how I live.

So thank you, Mom. I love you. I miss you, and the hole in my heart will never be filled until I see you in Heaven.

In other words, just keep fighting, everyone. Please. Don’t give up on you. Fight for what you want.

The end result is complete bliss.

Thank you for reading Jordie’s story, and I hope maybe it had an effect on you in order for you to alter yours a bit in a positive way.

Thank you and God bless.